Age: 27
Relationship Status: 3 months with my boyfriend
Occupation: Wine Production
Income: $45,000
Astrological Sign: Sagittarius. Not that I believe in astrology at all, but it’s fun to partake in.
What is your first thought every morning?
Why didn’t I just go to bed sooner? I feel wired to be a night owl and as if I need to stay up late in order to get the most out of the time that feels truly my own.
What is something you do solely for you?
Taking care of my large collection of houseplants. It brings me a lot of peace to feel connected to nature through them and also having a great deal of pride, watching them grow and flourish as a result of the care I put into them.
What is something you dread?
Oh god, washing the dishes hands down. I put the task off for too long and it grows into an overwhelming Jenga-like pile of lunch Tupperware containers that I avoid tackling until I’ve run out of something I need. It’s pretty embarrassing, but sometimes I’ll hide dirty pots and pans in the oven if I want to pretend they’re not there until I can work up the energy to deal with them.
What is something you are looking forward to?
Moving in with my boyfriend sometimes. We haven’t been together long, only 3 months, but you know that expression “when you know you know”? I really thought that was bullshit before falling in love with him. I’ve never pictured a future with someone I’ve dated before and didn’t know it could feel this way. I can’t wait until I’m able to wake up every morning and go to bed every night with him beside me. It feels like this whole realm of possibilities I didn’t know could exist has opened up.
When do you feel most accomplished?
When I perform well at my job. I really love what I do and the industry I work in so it’s an extra level of reward when you’re succeeding at something you’re passionate about.
What is something you regret investing in financially?
I don’t think I have anything really. I’m quite thoughtful with my choices even when they’re big, and I have always been good at managing my money or thinking my decisions through. I’ve invested in some poorly performing stocks based on the recommendations of others (don’t do that, do your own research) but never any amount I wasn’t willing to lose.
What is something you regret investing in emotionally?
The last guy I was seeing. I let my walls down too quickly because his actions were making me think he might want it to work as much as I did. I ended up developing a really bad case of insecure attachment and at its worst, I would actually be ill over my anxiety surrounding him. He was super emotionally unavailable, but I was blind to it and got really hurt.
What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?
(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)
Stocks.
Spending time with your friends, even when you might be a little tired or busy.
Buying and eating delicious food, either from the grocery store or restaurants.
When do you feel most creative?
In the afternoon, when the sunlight is coming in through my windows. I feel invigorated and want to make things happen, whether that be knitting a blanket, painting, or cooking a fancy meal for myself.
How often do you compare yourself to others? When?
As many times as I see other women? I’ve always struggled with body image and it’s hard to not compare how you look to every other woman you pass. I’ve spent my whole life being the heaviest girl in the class, workplace etc. but it doesn’t get easier knowing you’ll never get to borrow your friends clothes or always find your size in a shop. While I know I’m a “curvy” fat girl and I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll always be bigger, there is this other side in my own mind where I walk through the world like I’m actually skinny and feel hot as shit. I feel simultaneously disgusted and in love with myself some days.
What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?
Learning to be independent. I’ve built myself to be someone who can do things for myself, and it feels truly empowering. I’ll always want to know how to handle my responsibilities or get shit done without needing assistance, or at least be able to find the resources to learn how to do those things on my own.
What is one thing you believe about your future self?
She’ll be an even better person. I didn’t like who I was ten years ago and being able to see that change between then and now, and even have others in my life acknowledge that, means that there is always room for growth and improvement.
What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?
That honesty is the best policy. While I’m sure this is the case a lot of the time, it’s also good to learn when to tell a white lie if it prevents you from potentially hurting someone else or even yourself.
Have you ever felt pure joy? When?
I think I’m a generally joyful person most of the time who gets to feel happiness on a daily basis, so I’m not sure I could assign the feeling of pure joy to a single experience. Whether it be over my family, friends, my partner, my job and coworkers, or the opportunities I’ve had, sometimes I just have to stop and remind myself how lucky I am to have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, money in the bank, an education, bodily autonomy. That’s a lot of pure joy to me.
What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?
Occasionally, at work, if I can’t find something and other people are helping me try to locate it, if I end up discovering it in a place I should have obviously already checked or maybe missed it the first time, I’ll make up a little lie about where it was so it doesn’t seem like my fault.
When do you feel most in your feminine energy?
Probably when I’m getting complimented by other women. Like, if I look good and I think so that’s one thing, but when other people agree, it feels a lot more energizing and confirming.
What is one interaction that changed your life?
I got fired for the first time almost 3 years ago when I was 25. I really pride myself on the job I do at work and it really shook me. It made me question and doubt myself a lot. I just kept reminding myself that if Oprah can get fired at 25 and succeed like she did, then I will be fine too.
What is something you want to give up?
Being hard on myself when I make a mistake at work. It’ll keep me up at night sometimes, just thinking about what I did wrong; the disappointment my boss might have, if I’ll get in trouble for it…
What is something you want to take up?
Pickleball. I very recently started playing with some coworkers and it feels so good playing a sport again like I did when I was younger. I understand now why everyone is loving it so much.
What do you believe is a universal truth?
Let life make you better, not bitter.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I just got a free foosball table for my house. I’m really excited to set it up and have my friends over to play in little tournaments.
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