
Age: 42
Relationship Status: Divorced and in a relationship
Occupation: Sonographer
Income: 87,500
Astrological Sign: Libra
What is your first thought every morning?
How many more times can I hit snooze and still be on time for work? I have so much trouble getting out of bed in the morning, and it’s getting worse the older I get.
What is something you do solely for you?
Nothing on a regular basis. Sometimes I’ll get a massage. But money is tight, and I can’t always afford it. I wish I had a hobby, but hobbies are also expensive. I read voraciously, and I guess that’s just for me.
What is something you dread?
Cleaning my house. I don’t know why I have such an aversion to it, but I absolutely HATE it. It’s made me a very messy person, and then the shame that comes with being messy sucks. I never have people over. My kids never bring their friends over. It’s just humiliating.
What is something you are looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to becoming financially stable. I recently got a higher-paying job, and I want to pay off my credit card debt and catch up on my mortgage so badly. However, as prices continue to rise, I don’t know if the increase in pay will make that much of a difference.
When do you feel most accomplished?
When I wake up early on a weekend and have a fully productive day. It rarely happens.
What is something you regret investing in financially?
I hope I don’t regret investing in my house. I bought at the height of the market, and I’m afraid the market will balance out, and I’ll owe more than it’s worth. It’s something I think about on at least a weekly basis.
What is something you regret investing in emotionally?
I don’t really regret investing in anything emotionally that I can think of. I learned something from every single one of those experiences.
What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?
(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)
Your retirement.
Close friends you can trust.
Self-care.
When do you feel most creative?
At work actually. As I take the ultrasound pictures, I feel like I am painting a picture for the doctor so that they can get a complete view of what is happening with the patient. The way I organize and optimize my imaging makes me feel creative.
How often do you compare yourself to others? When?
I compare myself with others constantly. I play a game with myself when I see another woman: my body or hers. Basically, I ask myself, “Would you rather have her body or your own body?” So, I judge who’s better. It’s a bad habit, and I wish I could stop. But I’m convinced that if I had stayed thin my entire life, my life would have been completely different and that so many more good things would have come my way.
What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?
For being a tough mother fucker. Yes, I’m sensitive, but I’ve dealt with a lot of health problems and personal tragedies that most people would have crumbled under. I put on my big girl panties, and I carried on. I never let myself fall apart.
What is one thing you believe about your future self?
That I will continue to be strong and carry on no matter what.
What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?
Negative self-talk. It’s still a work in progress. My mother used to talk negatively about her body a lot, and I learned from her. It’s so toxic, but I know she didn’t realize what she was doing to me. I’ve heard her say things about herself in front of my young niece, and I have gotten really angry with her and told her that it’s not okay.
Have you ever felt pure joy? When?
When I gave birth to my boys. I have never felt more powerful than in that moment. I know women give birth every day, but I still felt like a badass when I did it myself.
What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?
That I made a mistake divorcing my kid’s father. He cheated, and I thought that I would find something better. In the 9 years we’ve been apart, I realized everyone makes mistakes, and he is the love of my life. My boyfriend now is my perfect match. But my ex-husband has and always will be the love of my life. There’s no chance of reconciliation; he’s moved on and has another child, and too much has happened, but I will carry this mistake with me the rest of my life.
When do you feel most in your feminine energy?
In the moments when I really tap into my gut instinct and then find out I was right, I think women have gotten out of the habit of going with their instincts. I know my anxiety makes it hard to trust my instincts sometimes because I wonder if I’m just being paranoid. But my gut instinct has never let me down when it really counts.
What is one interaction that changed your life?
Meeting the father of my children. It was random and we had no mutual friends. My kids have kept me strong and saved me from myself more than I can mention so meeting their father set me on the path of completely life-changing events.
What is something you want to give up?
Smoking (I’ve smoked off and on since I was a teenager). I feel like it’s an addiction I will fight for the rest of my life, and I wish I had never started.
What is something you want to take up?
Reformer Pilates on a regular basis. But classes are expensive. I hate working out, and reformer Pilates is the only thing I’ve found that I don’t dread and make excuses to get out of.
What do you believe is a universal truth?
Women are the stronger of the sexes.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I lost 100 lbs last year. I had gastric sleeve surgery and I’ve never felt better about my appearance. Even when I was younger and this same weight, I didn’t feel as comfortable in my own skin as I do now.
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