Age: 28
Relationship Status: SINGLE
Occupation: School Social Worker
Income: Roughly $74,000
Astrological Sign: Virgo
What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Well, recently, I have been wearing mouth tape to bed (it helps a lot), so I take that off, and then I make my bed. I brush my teeth, wash my face, and then make my coffee before starting my makeup! I REALLY try not to spend time on my phone in bed, so I turn off my alarm and then turn it over to stay on track because I am ALWAYS running late.
Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When?
That is such a good question. When I think about the things in life that fill my cup it is family, friends, romance, food, helping people, and staying active. The time in my life that I think I felt the most fulfilled was when I was a senior in high school. At this time, I played basketball and volleyball (volleyball being my favorite, and I was pretty good, I won't lie), I had a boyfriend who brought me lots of happiness, I was having consistent first-time love sex, and I was living at home, and all my meals were made for me! I also had just completed an internship in the city at a Medical Center and found the profession of social work and was SO excited to study something I loved at College 😊. I didn’t have to worry about adult stuff like bills, salary, and adult conversations.
What is your most repetitive, negative thought?
What if I end up alone?
I want so many babies, and I want to be in love, but I do NOT want to do it just to do it. IDK how to fake emotions. I want to genuinely love my partner because that love is the core of my family, and there are so many things I think I am missing out on being single. I am SICK of being single I do not see the benefits at this point.
What is your most repetitive, positive thought?
You’re a one-of-a-kind, and you have purpose/impact. Keep doing what you're doing.
What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?
How alone you are and in charge you are of your future. If you are sad and want to move, you can move. No one tells you the next step. You make the next step for yourself, and no one can assure you it will be the right one.
What are three things you want to put every woman onto?
Your sleep is critical
Screw beauty, body ideals. We are all beautiful in our own way. Do you.
Everyone deserves to be heard and validated. THERAPY WORKS.
Actual items?:
mouth tape (DON’T do it if you can't breathe through your nose)
Breath+ (it has a visual that walks you through different breathing to calm your body down)
Rank the following from most to least important:
money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).
1. Love
2. Sex
3. Laughter
4. Food
5. Money
My whole life, I have told myself that as long as I have genuine love, attraction, admiration, and motivation to be better with my partner, I do not care if we live in a small box. Money has gotten me A LOT of things in life, and it is because of the money I have had that I am able to name it as least important. That I am not naïve to. But with what I do every day, I truly believe that mindset is everything and human connection is something money cannot buy and yet leads to SO much happiness. That does not mean it has to be a partner; this can be a friend, colleague, patient, student, or stranger, but humans continue to amaze me every day, and I never want to stop meeting new people and developing those connections because that is what fills my cup and inspires me to go to work in the morning. Love and Sex, I think, go hand in hand. I have had plenty of casual sex, and I have come to realize it is a need, but it's not nearly as fulfilling as having sex with someone you care about and are vulnerable with and invested in. Laughter is so important. Our bodies need to be able to let loose and relax. The world is a complex, ever-changing place with all kinds of people and all kinds of different fates. There is little we have control over, so living in the present and learning to laugh and enjoy the little things is CRITICAL.
How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood?
HMMM. I think the older I have gotten, the more I have seen my parent's true motivations and intentions. I find myself analyzing my parents and seeing their insecurities, and that both makes me sad but also means I filter my needs around them often. My parents raised us in the most unbelievable way. I can truly say that I hope to be a fraction of the dynamic duo they were. My parents are flexible with expectations and yet strict about the things they need to be. My parents also worked off each other's strengths and weaknesses well and never hid them. Now, as an adult, I am working in therapy on creating boundaries with my parents (I can't actually tell them that or use that word because they would cry). I live close to home, and I didn’t realize how much; as the oldest daughter of 4, they counted on me to fix things, run things by me (using my therapist's brain), needed me for good vibes, needed me for mingling, and the list goes on. They love me and think I am brilliant and that is amazing, but I have also had to learn how to stand on my own two feet and define my own happiness separate from them. Managing their emotions has been hard and seeing them get a little older is (big sigh) really hard. I love them tons and tons, but I also need them to need me a little less!
When do you feel most like yourself?
That has changed a lot recently. I have had some family stuff that has caused me to reinvent my safe space a little, but in general, at my house on the couch with my dogs, eating cheese on the island with my family with a drink is often where I am the most at ease. Also, at night, after work, cooking and watching a show with my roommate. I have a hard time filtering myself, so I would say I am authentically myself in most spaces (I am also a verbal processor and can't hide my emotions LOL - only with the right people at work am I FILTERED).
I also feel the most like myself when I am sun-kissed, in a comfy, flowy fit/bathing suit with iced coffee, listening to music, driving to Tjmaxx, ready to have a day for myself.
Or, listening to old Chris Brown on a dance floor with specific friends in a hot outfit, big hair, and big hoops, with tequila.
What is the best compliment someone has ever given you?
That I light up the room when I walk in and my energy is soothing yet infectious.
How do you feel about falling in love?
I think I am too obsessed with it, and I constantly ask myself if falling in love is even real. Is staying in love possible? I read too many books that fantasize about it, but then I remind myself that I was once in love, and it was real. I don’t want to lose myself in someone, but I would love to share my life with someone who adds something, challenges me, and is also undoubtedly obsessed with me and loyal to me.
What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?
“You’ll find him when you least expect it.”
“Oh my goodness, you’re a social worker? God bless you. You're doing god's work!”
“You’ve got it all; how have you not found someone?”
“But you have this gift, and you know how to help people and talk to people so you have to initiate it.”
How often do you feel alone?
EHH, not too much. I think I feel the most alone when I am at weddings or events when it is all couples. I have an incredible friend group and support system, so when I am really down in the dumps, I know there is someone who truly cares about getting me out of that headspace, and they do most of the time.
What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?
I think everyone should be forced to experience other cultures and to feel discomfort. The only way we grow is in discomfort, and too many people hide from the unknown because all the answers are at their fingertips. I think everyone should explore and immerse themselves without judgment.
I hope everyone experiences a love that makes them want to pinch themselves because they feel so full and giddy. This could be from a child, partner, or friend!
I hope that everyone has a mind-blowing sexual experience with someone you love. Everyone deserves to have that long-awaited, needy sex where you can feel that the other person needs you as much as you need them at that moment, and you are providing pleasure to one another in a way that makes your heart want to explode. Orgasms are great, and they are even better with someone you love!
What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?
Being bullied at a time when you feel so vulnerable. Nothing makes me more mad than mean girls that put people down who need help getting up, and they do it for clout.
I also hope no one ever has to lose a child at a young age because imagining explaining to a young child that they are going to die is unbelievably heartbreaking.
I wish no one had to experience being the cause of a death or horrific accident to someone else.
What is the best decision you’ve ever made?
The best decision I ever made was going to College and studying social work. My friends, professors, and experiences there have shaped my life immensely.
Not getting back together with my high school/college boyfriend when he begged me to because my gut told me something wasn’t right (he had had sex with a girl from our friend group from home and wasn’t going to tell me).
Going to therapy. Therapy has helped me to stop and check in on how I talk to myself; it has challenged problematic thinking patterns, and it has forced the non-judgmental reflection that I needed so badly.
When do you feel most at ease?
When I am with people who I can shut my brain off with. I am most at ease on the beach, on a walk around the city, or at the fireplace at my parent's house. ALSO, in my bed, reading a book, cuddled up.
What does having a successful life mean to you?
A successful life is one in which you have celebrated yourself but worked your ass off (a Jess Sims Peloton Quote). Success means growing and working through the growing pains. We wouldn’t have high highs if we didn’t how low lows. Success is doing something you love, exploring, treating yourself, and filling your life with people that you cherish and that make saying goodbye so hard. Success is taking risks but also learning to appreciate routine and small moments!
How often do you think about your body?
Too often. I preach that everyone is beautiful at any size, but I have not liked my body most of my life. I compare myself constantly. I do still think that beauty is sooooo much deeper than looks, but it matters, and I hate that it matters. I think about how I look in certain clothes, photos, even my reflection. I think my body is incredible and I am so blessed to have one that allows me to do all that I do. I know I need to celebrate and be grateful for my body more often; criticism is not fair to it!
When do you ask for help?
I ask for help when I really cannot handle something myself. I will vent and verbally process my day-to-day issues often with my roommate, but admitting I am really not okay is hard because I am the stable ‘therapist’ for so many personally and professionally. My therapist, when she interviewed me to see if we were a good fit, said, “How about talking to me about why you want therapy?”, I choked up completely, not expecting to, and she said, “Yeah, it sounds like you have been trying to convince yourself for quite some time that you don’t need this”. That was extremely true, and I feel so lucky to have a space where I don’t have to hold back anymore. My entire life, my parents always said to us, “There is so much strength in asking for help, and there are always places you can go and things you can try.” There was never an expectation of perfection; it was actually the opposite. They knew we would fall, and they knew they wouldn’t always have the answers, but they always wanted us to feel comfortable asking.
What is something you feel strongly about?
I feel strongly that we move too fast in this country and that our phones only make us more reliable and anxious. I feel strongly that all humans are capable of good if they are given the tools, opportunity, and love they need as young children. I feel strongly that boundaries are critical, both personally and professionally. I believe that exercise is great for our mood, and I feel strongly that burnt pepperoni pizza is better than regular pepperoni pizza.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
Summer is soon!
Comments