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Writer's pictureDevyn Penney

#111. helping people, being a homebody & high-functioning anxiety




Age: 27

Relationship Status: Long-term relationship

Occupation: Social Worker

Income: $92,000

Astrological Sign: Leo Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising.

 

What is your first thought every morning?

Is today going to be a good day?’. As a high-functioning, anxious person, I often wake up panicked. Reminding myself that I am in control and saying positive affirmations helps your girl avoid having a panic attack before her first wee of the day.

 

What is something you do solely for you?

If I don’t want to leave the house or do something, I won’t. I am such a homebody, and I used to feel embarrassed for not constantly being busy or having lots of plans, so I would force myself to do things I didn’t want to do. Now, if I want to just stay in and watch TV all day, I will. If I want to stay in bed until 1 p.m., I will. Basically, I just do me.

 

What is something you dread?

Two things.

Work – My current job is naturally quite demanding, but I work in a very toxic management that makes my job harder. I bet you think, well just leave. Well, I can’t. My visa is linked to my job so for the time being, I'm stuck.

Texts / Calls from my mum – A lot has happened with my mum, and I have basically become her parent/partner the older we have both gotten. She’s in a current financial mess and is heavily reliant on me, which has made me resent her. Being the only child of an immigrant is hard, I love my mum but she only really calls for money.

 

What is something you are looking forward to?

My friend doesn't know this, but her boyfriend is due to propose this year. I don’t get excited about much, but I am so excited about this. I can’t wait for her to get everything she deserves, and I can’t wait for her to feel a sense of security and relief when he proposes. I also hope she gets a fatttttttt rock.

 

When do you feel most accomplished?

In my job, I work with kids in care, and I am currently doing lots of work on trying to get kids back with their parents and family (where it is safe). I recently helped a mother get her 3-year-old son back, and I smiled all the way home. The system is broken, and I know I cannot fix it alone, but helping those who have been affected by it makes me feel accomplished and fulfilled.

 

What is something you regret investing in financially?

No regrets about any financial investments. In saying so, I haven’t really made many!

 

What is something you regret investing in emotionally?

There are other people who wouldn’t give me the same investments, grace, genuine care/compassion, and reassurance. It is very upsetting to me. I spread myself too thin for people all the time, and I’m really trying to stop giving to those who wouldn’t do the same for me.

 

What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?

(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)

 

1. Friendships. - When I got with my boyfriend, I put lots of my friends to the side and I lost them. I deeply regret this. Friendship, girlhood, sisterhood is so beautiful and so important to your sense of self.

2. You and things that bring you peace. - I have learnt that the way I treat others is how I should treat myself. Starting to put myself first is harder than I thought, but so worth it.

3. Your career. -I crave stability and I feel this helps me secure that.

 

When do you feel most creative?

Rarely ever, maybe when I go to the nail salon!

 

How often do you compare yourself to others? When?

More often than I'd like. Not in the typical way, i.e., how I look. But mainly in regard to intelligence and capability. I know I'm smart and well capable of many things, but when someone thinks of something that is maybe more ‘out of the box’ or a bit more curious, Yeah…That gets me. I just feel stupid, like, ‘why did I not think of that’? I don’t think I am articulating this very well (lol)!

 

What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?

For not letting my dickhead driving instructor sit in during my driving test. He was so negative, and it was obvious he didn’t want me to pass. His face was a picture when I passed the first time with two minors!

 

What is one thing you believe about your future self?

I think I will go on to do great things both in my personal and professional life. I also hope I get married one day!

 

What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?

That goodbyes with people mean they are abandoning me.

 

Have you ever felt pure joy? When?

Usually when I laugh, like really belly laugh! But a memory that springs to mind was two years ago when my niece was born and meeting her.

 

What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?

I have always wanted to have kids, and I think I still do, but now I think wanting kids is selfish. Now I think about the parent I could be, and I’m scared I’ll end up just like my mum.

 

When do you feel most in your feminine energy?

When my boyfriend takes control and when he naturally sticks up for me. Such a turn-on.

 

What is one interaction that changed your life?

When I was 9, I met my stepdad; I disliked him and didn't want to interact with him as it had always just been me and my mum. When I was 10, he asked me to play a little game of paperball tennis when I was bored at home one day. This changed my life; I actually liked him from this point on and he went on to be the only parent figure in my life who has been ‘normal’ and let me just be a kid. I am eternally grateful for the love and patience he showed me. His impact on me is indescribable, but basically, I learned to be kinder and hold less anger. He showed me there are men who will really ride for you, flaws and all. I am a good person because of him.

 

What is something you want to give up?

Being a glass-half-empty girly.

 

What is something you want to take up?

I would love to do more dance classes as an adult!

 

What do you believe is a universal truth?

What happens in the dark will always come to light.

 

BONUS: Tell me something good.

My boyfriend’s best friend is surprising him by visiting next year. He has no idea, but it will be the first time in 2 years since we moved that he will see one of his best friends.

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