Age: 31
Relationship Status: single and feeling more estranged from dating every day.
Occupation: Barista
Income: 30 - 40k
Astrological Sign: Virgo
What is your first thought every morning?
God, it’s too early. Just five more minutes in bed, and it’s so warm and cozy. Why is being in bed the best thing in the world when you wake up? What am I going to wear today?
What is something you do solely for you?
I don’t deny myself treats or buying an item that I really want (within financial reason). Being the baby of four siblings meant I only had hand-me-downs, and with a tight family budget, new items were reserved for birthdays. I honestly didn’t mind as a kid, but as an adult, it has sort of cemented a viewpoint of ‘I don’t need that’ or ‘I don’t deserve something that expensive or nice.’ I also would be cautious to use anything because I didn’t want it to finish. Even with groceries, I would be subconsciously ‘saving’ them for something. These days I work on not coming from a scarcity mindset, and if I want a sweet treat or a massage or the more expensive organic groceries, I won’t overthink it; if I’m not here to treat myself, then wtf am I doing?
What is something you dread?
Going to the doctor. I’ve had autoimmune symptoms for ten years now, and it is crazy how doctors treat women and how little they really care. The dread of going and talking to someone who dismisses your concerns and then tells you to lose weight or come back when you want to make babies really confirms the narrative that women are just part of society to look good and have children. Oh, and driving in cities - absolute dread.
What is something you are looking forward to?
Having my own pets! It’s been fifteen years since I had any, and I’m excited to get my first dog sometime in the next couple of years. I can’t have kids so I’m looking forward to creating my own little family with pets.
When do you feel most accomplished?
Honestly, never (haha). I’m a very creative person who does freelance design work, and I feel like I’m always working on a project or have a to-do list that never ends. Creative brains are weird; they never stop turning. The only time I really feel satisfaction is when I make the perfect coffee; nailing the latte art is just * chef’s kiss *
What is something you regret investing in financially?
Probably just investing in general! I’m a millennial, and I feel like the accessibility of investing has only recently (in the last ten years) been talked about with the use of the internet. Now I’m in my thirties, learning about investing, and feeling like I missed the starting block for compound interest. That and my student loan.
What is something you regret investing in emotionally?
Men. Spent my teens/early twenties trying to rehab broken boys. I really thought you could caretaker your way into a man's heart, and they would treat you the same way. A long, hard lesson that you can’t force someone into choosing you. I wish I’d redirected that energy of pouring my heart into someone who needs fixing into discovering myself instead.
What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?
(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)
Investing time into a craft or skill, practicing to get better at something that brings you joy; for me, it’s painting.
Travel! It expands your perspective and gives you so much confidence to do things solo. I wish everyone could be able to travel and experience other cultures.
Living alone . Although these rent prices are really tryna change that. I’ve had roommates my whole life, and to finally have space where I get to decompress without interacting with another human. I don’t have to share kitchen space, have all my toiletries in the entire cupboard, and can decorate with my own style. It is freedom at its finest and worth the $$$$.
When do you feel most creative?
When I’m at my day job. I have a million ideas for projects that I want to start when I get home. Then, when I get home, I end up doing housework and life admin instead. I need to be better at scheduling personal project time.
How often do you compare yourself to others? When?
Luckily, it’s not every person, but definitely when I see traits in others that I’m jealous of. It helps that I recognize that it’s kind of pointless to compare each other; we’re literally all so unique. But it is natural and normal to do so. Usually, it’s things like: she’s got nice hair/wow, her body is goals/they’re so driven at what they do.
What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?
Girl, keeping us afloat. But also moving overseas twice, that’s crazy. You’ve done so much and had so many experiences and, as a result, so many life lessons.
What is one thing you believe about your future self?
That I’ll eventually feel at home somewhere, even if it’s by myself. I watched my mom put up with my dad’s narcissistic behavior, and I don’t want the same, so I’m excited to create a fulfilling life now that I’ve decentered men from it. I would love to find mutual love, but I will never just settle.
What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?
Oh man, so much…I had a bit of a traumatic childhood, so there’s been a lot to get through. Probably the main one is that it wasn’t my fault my dad wasn’t able to emotionally connect with his kids. There was a point when I really needed a strong, unconditional love and support, but instead, I got blamed and abandoned. It’s made me super independent, but that also makes it hard to connect to others when you feel like you don't need them. Being vulnerable is hard in order to stop that cycle!
Have you ever felt pure joy? When?
When a dog runs over to say hello. Hugging my best friend. Eating my mom's cooking. Looking out on a beautiful view. Sitting on a boat out on a calm sparkling ocean.
What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?
I’m scared that I’m going to regret my decisions about not compromising the kind of relationship I want. I feel conflicted that I don’t conform to the patriarchy by upholding emotional standards for men, while the fear of being pitied for not being ‘chosen’ has me wondering if I’ll end up unfulfilled and alone. This fear is why people settle, I guess.
When do you feel most in your feminine energy?
As someone who has a hormonal imbalance, it’s very hard to feel feminine without proper estrogen levels. I can’t wait to have that feeling, so if anyone has tips on developing feminine energy, let a sister know.
What is one interaction that changed your life?
The only singular interaction that totally changed the trajectory of my life was hooking up with a 28-year-old man at a house party when I was 16 and finding out a few weeks later that he was married with two kids and 8 8-month pregnant wife. Of course, my parents were angry. I believed everything he told me and kept seeing him, so I was kicked out of my home at an early age. If I could go back and change that I would.
What is something you want to give up?
Smoking weed. I use it as a relaxant before bed, but I feel like it’s just another form of disassociation these days. It also doesn’t relax me as much as I think it does.
What is something you want to take up?
Re-learning a language. I used to speak Japanese and French in high school, and most of it has been forgotten. People who speak multiple languages are just infinitely cooler.
What do you believe is a universal truth?
That the world works in tandem. In the sense that we get to experience beautiful sunsets and incredible natural wonder but also horrific devastation, cruelty, and suffering. We get to experience the full spectrum of human emotions, from pure joy and love to soul-crushing depression. There is no good without bad; everything walks hand in hand. In order to experience one, you must have the other.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
David Attenborough is still alive. People are still making good music. Fresh bread with butter exists.
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