#106. badass women, being a night owl & breaking the mold

Age: 31

Relationship Status:  Married

Occupation:  School Social Worker

Income: 68K

Astrological Sign: Libra sun, Capricorn moon, Cancer rising

What is your first thought every morning?

Where are the cats?

My husband and I aren’t able to have children, so our cats are like our babies. I recently lost my beloved cat of 9 years very suddenly, and now I have a fear that my other three cats will be sick or hurt when I wake up. The anxiety is unreal.

What is something you do solely for you?

I take my lunch break every day. In the past, I had terrible boundaries when it came to work and wouldn’t stop to eat or take my medications. This year, I am making it a point to honor my needs and blocking off 30 minutes just for me to decompress in my office.

What is something you dread?

The day when I lose my mom. I am an only child, and growing up I had a tough relationship with my dad. My mom is my absolute best friend and biggest supporter, and I worry about how I will cope without her when the time comes. She has been healthy all my life, but had her first health scare this year. I find myself thinking about something suddenly happening and what life will feel like without her being around.

What is something you are looking forward to?

As an educator, I look forward to having the summer off from work. In a broader sense, I look forward to the day that we have stricter gun laws and a ban on automatic weapons. No child should be worried about being shot while at school. Enough is enough.

When do you feel most accomplished?

When I complete everything on my daily checklist, it’s such a satisfying feeling to see my list all crossed off and to know that I met the goals I set for myself. It doesn’t happen often enough!

What is something you regret investing in financially?

My first car. I held onto it too long because I was emotionally attached to it. In the end, it was costing me thousands of dollars to get repaired when, ultimately, I should have just cut my losses and gotten something else.

What is something you regret investing in emotionally?

Jobs where my work wasn’t valued. When I commit to something, I give it my all. Unfortunately, I’ve had many jobs in college and beyond that don’t care about their employees or their mental health. I spent way too much time trying to be a model employee and bending over backward for employers who simply don’t care.

What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?

(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)

• Therapy!!!

• A quality mattress

• A self-care routine that is realistic and can be consistently followed

When do you feel most creative?

Late at night when everyone else is asleep. I’m a night owl and love to have a comfort podcast on in the background while I write, draw, read, or craft. I think I like it because others aren’t around to look at what I’m doing. I also love being creative and expending all of that energy so that I sleep even better.

How often do you compare yourself to others? When?

All of the time. I notice it most often on social media, especially when I see friends who are celebrating big accomplishments like having a baby or going on vacations. I am constantly telling myself that time is running out to accomplish the things that I want to do, even though I know (because of therapy!) that there is no correct timeline in life. In the end, it’s about the things that are in my control.

What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?

Being open-minded. I grew up in a small, rural, predominantly white town where my family has lived for four generations. It would have been so easy to follow along with my classmates, stay close to home, and be content with life. When I went to college, it was a whole new world with people who have had such different lives than me. I’m so grateful that I broke the mold and made myself uncomfortable in order to grow.

What is one thing you believe about your future self?

Everything will work out. I have faced obstacles before and got through them, so I have no reason to think that I won’t be able to again.

What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?

That my feelings and needs aren’t a burden. I love my parents, and they did their best to support me while also being first-time parents. At the same time, they weren’t supportive when I was upset, anxious, frustrated, or anything other than happy. My mom would try to calm me down or talk to me, but my dad would give me the silent treatment. I ended up hiding my emotions from them because I wanted so badly to be the perfect daughter. It was so hard to break out of the mindset that my feelings were a burden to others! I’m grateful that I’ve realized that my feelings are always valid, and I am now trying to teach my students the same thing.

Have you ever felt pure joy? When?

I feel pure joy when I am alone in nature, and there is a breeze in the air. I’m not a spiritual person, but I feel rooted and connected to the earth when I get these rare moments. I also am my most joyful when I get a really good hug from someone. Connection is joy for me.

What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?

The resentment I feel towards my dad. I dream about having a conversation with him and being able to tell him everything I feel. He has always said that he never wanted kids (I’m his only child) and does not take accountability for any of his actions. I’ve never felt like he takes the time to hear me, or even to know me very deeply. He moved 10 hours away a few years ago, and I still visit him once a year on his birthday. When I visit, he doesn’t even make an effort to invite me over or spend time with him. I don’t know why I keep visiting because I know that nothing will ever change. Deep down, I secretly still hold out hope that each time I visit, it will be different.

When do you feel most in your feminine energy?

When I am watching badass women change the world. The ones who are fighting for the rights of all people and not caring about the haters. They inspire me to be my authentic self and to remember that my words and actions have the power to make a difference in the world.

What is one interaction that changed your life?

It was the last night of undergrad and I was moving to a big city to start a new job the next day. I was terrified on the inside, so I went for a walk around campus at around 1 am. Suddenly I got the urge to lay down on a little patch of grass by the science building and look up at the stars. Maybe 2 minutes had passed, and I heard the voice of a young man asking if he could join me. Now, usually, I wouldn’t let a stranger just walk up and do that, but for some reason, I felt safe. He was an international student who had just arrived on campus that day to start grad school. We sat looking up at the stars, just talking about how our lives were both changing the next day. My journey was ending, and his was beginning. I never even got his name, but I think about our conversation all the time. It made me realize that life will go on, and that it’s okay to be scared about the future. We all are.

What is something you want to give up?

Emotional eating. I’ve struggled with my weight all my life, and I know that I’m using food as an unhealthy coping mechanism. When something unexpected comes up, or I’ve had a tough day at work, I turn to eating. It’s such a tough habit for me to break, even though I know I really need to.

What is something you want to take up?

I’ve always wanted to sky-dive. Each year, I say that I’m going to treat myself and go for my birthday, but my family freaks out about it. Maybe it could become a new hobby, or maybe I would hate it. I can’t wait to find out eventually!

What do you believe is a universal truth?

No person is a “bad person.” We might make mistakes or make unhelpful choices toward our goals, but nobody is a bad person altogether. We all can learn from our mistakes and grow.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I just got my updated Covid vaccine and flu shot, and don’t feel sick! Woo!