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#10. sister time, serotonin boosts & suction functions

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney

Updated: Jun 19, 2024




Age: 31


Relationship Status:  Married


Occupation:  Business Development in Finance / Investments. I was an English / Journalism major who very intentionally avoided taking math classes in college, so this is not at all where I expected to end up. I suppose there’s always time to write that bestselling novel someday, though I think my teenage dream of being an anchor on the Today Show has come and gone (I’m too old, the news is depressing, I’d end up swearing on-air, and the starting pay is, frankly, shit).


Income:  $130k-ish. I always thought once I hit 6 figures, I’d be content, but life is expensive, and now I’m constantly in competition with myself to make more, do better, and perform at the optimal level to be able to live the life I want, which is…fucking exhausting, actually.


Astrological Sign: I know I’m a Leo; anything beyond that, I’m lost. I just tried to fill out a birth chart online to get more details, but I have no idea how to read it or what any of the shapes mean.


What is the first thing you do when you wake up? 

My alarm is set for 40 minutes before I realistically have to get out of bed and get ready for work (I’m in the office 4x a week), so I spend the time checking emails and texts, playing Wordle, Connections, and as much of the Spelling Bee as I can, and then get up to brush my teeth / shower. I dream A LOT, and oftentimes, they’re really heavy and impact my day and mood, so showering each morning is critical – I feel like I need to wash off whatever remnants are in my head / on my skin to re-find my equilibrium.


Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When? 

Often. I feel genuinely fulfilled through real, human connection and conversation. I LOVE talking to people and developing bonds with them – one of my closest friends always says that my husband collects hobbies, and I collect people. Whether it be chatting for hours with friends I’ve had for years (the serotonin boost I get from spending time with my girlfriends is unparalleled), coworkers, people I come upon while on vacation, Uber drivers, a couple beside me at a restaurant or strangers in line at a store – being able to have deep, real, raw conversations brings me so much joy. I love learning about people and the things in their lives that have ultimately informed their behaviors, mindsets, and thought patterns. Everyone is a complex puzzle, and figuring out why people are the way they are is something I find to be incredibly emotionally stimulating and rewarding.


What is your most repetitive, negative thought? 

That I value my relationships with certain friends more than they do with me. I hold those dear to me in high regard and try really hard to make it clear how loved and appreciated they are. Some people are more difficult to read than others and it can make it tough to figure out where you stand and leave you with questions or a feeling of emptiness / sadness. That, and imposter syndrome, generally. Feeling like I don’t necessarily deserve the life I have / am not good enough to be in the role I’m in.


What is your most repetitive, positive thought? 

I am and have been very fortunate to have the life, family, and friends that I do. Everything will ultimately work out how it is meant to, and even if there are moments of hurt, darkness, or sadness, they’re only temporary. I have a good head on my shoulders and am able to trust myself and my gut to lead me to make the decisions that are best for me.


What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood? 

That nobody actually has it all figured out, and that we’re all just doing our best with the knowledge we’ve gathered through experiences (and generally faking our way through life and work and navigating the hard stuff).

That age is just a number, that you never really mentally “feel” older, or that you’re really the age you are, as per the date on your birth certificate—I still feel like I’m a teenager (despite the mirror telling me otherwise).


That after-tax paychecks are always disappointing, a single cocktail in the city can cost more than an entrée, and how satisfying it is to have Tupperware with the appropriately matching lid; that cheese is outrageously expensive, manicures help give the illusion of put-togetherness, and phone calls and hugs from my mom still make the bad days less overwhelming and scary.


That everything is better with olive oil and a fuckton of garlic, you don’t need to spend a lot of money to find a great bottle of wine. If people want to make time for you, they will – no matter how busy they are (this is especially true in new relationships – sending a text takes two seconds; stop making excuses for why they aren’t reaching out because it is more than likely they just aren’t as invested; hard to hear but really powerful and a bit of a relief when you’re able to embrace that truth).


That life is fleeting, and each day and month and year, measured by the new lines on your face (or the faces of your loved ones), passes by far too quickly, and that it can be overwhelming thinking about how to best optimize your time as to not “waste” it – but also understanding the need to balance this anxiety by not allowing yourself to feel guilty for reveling in the beauty that is a lazy, rainy Sunday spent at home reading a book, or curled up with your partner or your dog watching terrible reality TV, rather than being “productive”.


What are three things you want to put every woman onto? 


Rank the following from most to least important:

money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).

Love – all love: romantic, platonic, familial. Having strong bonds with the people I love and surround myself with is critical to my happiness.


Sex – and intimacy in general, not just penetrative sex; hand holding, back rubs, having my husband play with my hair, long hugs.


Laughter – because life should be fun and have levity to combat all of the other bullshit going on. I love laughing and making people laugh.


Food – experiencing new restaurants and delicious food brings me pure joy. I also love to cook- it’s really gratifying to create something that makes people’s taste buds happy.


Money – can definitely improve your life if you’re already fulfilled, but it certainly will not create happiness.


How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood? 

Eldest daughter here. I think one of the biggest shifts is that I no longer look at every decision I make through the lens of whether or not it will disappoint them. We’ve always been close – my mom has always been my best friend, and I’ve definitely gotten closer to my dad as I’ve gotten older – but I think now we’re truly able to be “friends” as they are no longer responsible for my survival or how I turn out – their job is done. Now we can just enjoy being fully formed humans together. They’re so much fun and are two of my favorite people on the planet to spend time with.


When do you feel most like yourself? 

Anywhere I’m with my sister, whether it be curled up on the couch drinking mimosas and having deep conversations about life, weekend visits to my parents that result in too many cocktails being consumed and sleeping across from one another in our twin beds in our shared childhood bedroom, cackling at the bizarre things that somehow end up in my TikTok algorithm, or even just chattering away mindlessly over FaceTime. She’s my person. I never have to hide any part of myself when I’m with her, and she takes it all – the good, the bad, the sad, the bitchy.


What is the best compliment someone has ever given you? 

I’m not certain that this necessarily counts as a compliment, but the day I graduated college, one of the professors I worked with all four years pulled me out of line, gave me an enormous hug, and told me with tears in her eyes that she wanted the first signed copy of my bestselling novel. Having a person in your life who has that much faith in your ability to achieve success in something you are passionate about is rare and beautiful and should be celebrated.

That I have a knack for reading people, and I’m a good judge of character. That I make people feel special and heard and understood. And being told that I’m funny. I love making people laugh.


How do you feel about falling in love? 

That, like so many things in life, it can be terrifying, but so unbelievably worth it.


What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?

Anything Taylor Swift related. I am fatigued.


How often do you feel alone? 

I’m physically alone a lot because my husband travels often for work (annnd golf) but I never really feel alone unless I’m in basketcase-mode due to PMS hormones. I like having time to myself to read and watch my shows, and I’m reveling in the last few months of being able to do so, as I’ll be responsible for the life of a tiny human soon.


What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime? 

Truly unconditional love and the comfort that comes with it. Whether that be through an incredibly meaningful and transformative friendship, a powerful romantic partnership, or familial love with parents / siblings – everyone deserves to feel accepted, respected, and at ease being themselves.


What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?

True despair; feeling like nothing will ever improve. It feels like you’re drowning over and over and over but won’t fucking die. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.


What is the best decision you’ve ever made? 

Getting my dog! I didn’t grow up with pets and never experienced the true happiness / unconditional love that comes with loving an animal. He is the best, and I am utterly obsessed with him. I joke with my husband all the time that I am terrified I won’t love our child as much as I love our dog.


When do you feel most at ease? 

After a long, productive day, a great workout and a hot shower followed by in-depth skincare: climbing into a bed of freshly cleaned sheets (either after taking a low-dose gummy or having a great drink with dinner) and reading or watching a show I can drift off to sleep to.


What does having a successful life mean to you? 

Being authentically yourself, making your own decisions, and surrounding yourself with people, places, and things that bring you genuine happiness and fulfillment are important.


How often do you think about your body? 

Ha, this is especially relevant right now, as I’m six months pregnant, and I don’t know when (or if) my body will really feel like it’s “mine” again (I say this as there is a tiny creature currently doing back flips in my stomach).  I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my appearance – wanting to look better, comparing myself to others, the constant desire to lose just another couple of pounds – but I’m really trying to give myself the grace and patience needed to recognize and understand that post-baby, it’s likely I won’t ever be 100% who I was again, and that’s okay. Just trying to focus more and more on making healthy choices.


When do you ask for help? 

As needed, though I don’t feel the need to most of the time. I’m fortunate to have a strong support system there to listen when I need to talk through any issues, but I don’t really expect people to “fix” my problems so much as be there for me to act as a sounding board while I work through a problem myself.


What is something you feel strongly about?

Goat cheese tastes the same way farm animals smell. It is gross. You will not change my mind.


BONUS: Tell me something good.

There’s a birthday celebration taking place in my office right now, and I’m going to have two cupcakes guilt-free.

 

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