Age: 31
Relationship Status: Engaged
Occupation: Software Sales
Income: ~$230K
Astrological Sign: Virgo
What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
I know it's terrible but I look at my phone. I stay in bed and catch up on texts, personal emails, and a bit of mindless scrolling before getting up to make coffee and starting my day.
Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When?
Turning our house into a home and hosting friends. Bonding and celebrating hard-earned wins with colleagues. Traveling with my fiancé and parents as an adult. However, I'm not sure I've ever felt fulfillment that stretched across my entire life/identity.
What is your most repetitive, negative thought?
My anxieties and insecurities will always take up so much space in my mind that I will never fully feel at peace.
What is your most repetitive, positive thought?
My life today is the life I used to daydream about. I've already done this for my past self, so I can and will continue to manifest a beautiful life.
What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?
How much time I spend planning, purchasing, preparing, and cleaning food. I wish nutrition, low-waste meal planning, and cooking skills were taught with more emphasis than they are. Sure mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, but how do I make an affordable weekly grocery list with enough protein?
How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood?
I cherish and admire the qualities that pissed me off when I was a teenager. I am very protective of them and feel resentment toward anyone who takes advantage of their time or generosity.
When do you feel most like yourself?
The (rare) days my fiancé and I have little to no plans and can just enjoy each other's company, or spontaneously go on an adventure without expectations.
How do you feel about falling in love?
I think falling in love is easy, and staying in love is hard. If someone shows you all of themselves - their fears and scars and the reasons they tick - it's hard not to love them. Staying in love is a conscious decision that takes as much time and effort as any other passion; similarly, it should be fun and fulfill parts of you that the rest of your life doesn't.
What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?
"Must be nice."
I have been dealt a great hand in some ways, and a really shitty hand in others. Many of the outward successes people see and feel comfortable commenting on are the result of meticulous planning and slow, hard work.
How often do you feel alone?
I feel incredibly lucky to say that I have not felt alone since I met my fiancé. Loneliness used to be a termite in my rib; nothing makes me cry faster than thinking about people I love experiencing loneliness, especially older relatives.
What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?
To feel truly seen by another person - accepted, celebrated & loved for exactly who you are, whether a platonic friend, family member, or romantic partner.
What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?
Chronic illness and chronic pain. It becomes inextricable from the rest of your life.
What is the best decision you’ve ever made?
I left a small hometown for a large city. There are plenty of things I miss, but the people, experiences, and energy of the city have lit up my life in a way that I can't unsee now that I know it exists.
When do you feel most at ease?
Idk, I'm still trying to figure out how to release the death grip I have on my life. I struggle with the idea of floating instead of treading water.
What does having a successful life mean to you?
You need clear goals and gratitude. That's it.
How often do you think about your body?
I used to break down into tears if I exercised less than 6 days a week. I'm in a better place now, but I walk a constant tightrope of being the best version of myself, without falling back into toxic obsession. Wedding planning has resurfaced a lot of scary thoughts that I will never be good enough for me.
When do you ask for help?
Over the years I have gotten more comfortable asking for help. I've realized often it helps the other person to be needed and relied on almost as much as it helps me to rely on them.
What is something you feel strongly about?
That I can only control my own actions. It has been a long lesson learned, but I will never try to force or manipulate someone else's reaction or decision, and will not allow anyone to do so to me.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
Trials are being done with pig kidneys in human bodies - to hopefully save the lives of people on long waitlists!
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