#410. an unpleasant childhood, chasing a paycheck & entering the next phase

Age: 69

Relationship Status: Married (32 years, second marriage, blended family)

Occupation: HR Manager, newly retired just days ago

Income: $110k is what I was making, working full-time

Astrological Sign: Sagittarius, and I’m glad you asked this question

Describe your ideal morning:

Waking up when I’m ready, no alarm. Feeling well rested. Kiss my husband. I’m not a morning person, so conversation doesn’t happen until two cups of coffee later. Love reading the newspaper. Hopefully, it's cool enough outside to have a window open for fresh air and to hear birds.

What is the last thing you think about before going to sleep?

Usually, my spouse and family. Feeling peaceful, grateful.

If you could talk openly about any of the following ‘taboo’ subjects at a dinner party: politics, religion, money, or sex, what is one question you would pose to the table?

Why do people use religion to evaluate/categorize others?

What is something you wish were taught in school?

Everyday finances. How to change a flat tire. Basic defense moves.

How do you define personal happiness?

My family is everything. I always want them to be safe, happy, and healthy, although we know life isn’t always like that, and I am there for them through the tough stuff as well as the good. When they are happy, it makes me happy. I am their biggest cheerleader. Spending time with my husband, grown children, and grandchildren brings me joy. I did not have a close-knit family growing up, and I did not feel safe or loved, so having that now is immensely important to me.

When do you feel most helpless?

When someone in my immediate family is struggling, I would rather go through something bad than them. I wish I could ease their pain or make things better when they are hurting.

What is something you are nostalgic about?

Certainly not my childhood; it was not a good one. Probably when my children were small. There are so many details that fade away over time, but we have memories, photos, videos, etc.

When does, or will, your life feel complete?

As I approach 70, I do feel I am getting there, but there is so much more that I want to do, learn, and explore.

What is something you have forgiven, but will never forget?

A biological relative got nastily drunk one night and sexually assaulted me. I was not a child, but in my mid-30’s. Fortunately, I was able to get away. I eventually forgave him, as best I could, but I was never alone with him again, and it’s something I’ll certainly never forget. What a betrayal.

What is one decision that seemed small at the time, but completely changed the direction or course of your life?

My mother asked me to accompany her on a cruise. She needed help as she was in a wheelchair at the time. We took my two young children. That is when/how I met the man I am married to now.

What is something that comes easily to you?

Conversation. I think I’m pretty good at talking with just about anyone.

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

Finding my biological family when I was 30 years old. I was adopted at birth, a closed adoption in those days. I had to hire a private investigator to help me, as there were no computers or internet at the time. I was determined to find out my origins, but I was terrified of being rejected.

Where is your favorite place on Earth?

With my family. Doesn’t matter where we are; just being together is the best.

If you woke up tomorrow and were in charge of EVERYTHING, what would be the first thing you would do to make the world a better place?

I would find a way to help people, especially women and children. There is so much disparity of wealth in this country and around the world; I would like to see that change. So many people are marginalized and living on the brink of poverty. It just isn’t the way the world should work.

Finish this sentence: money can’t buy you happiness, but it can afford you…

Peace of mind. Knowing that you have enough money for food, healthcare, a place to live, and some money set aside.

What is the best thing you have been gifted or purchased on your own within the last year? 

A movie membership to our local movie theater. I love movies. They are magical.

If you could give a woman who is 10 years younger than you a single piece of advice, what would it be?

Stop comparing yourself to others. You are wonderful the way you are.

Is there anyone who knows everything about you?

No. I have shared some secrets from my past with my spouse and daughter, but there are some things I will keep to myself forever. No one needs to know everything about me.

If you knew that life was short, what is one thing you would do right now?

Plan a trip with my family so that we can all be together and have fun.

If you knew that life was long, what is one thing you would do right now?

Write a book about my life. I’ve had some memorable experiences over the years.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I decided that it’s time to slow down and live my life with more awareness and intention. I’ve been chasing a paycheck for a long time, as if my career somehow validated me as being a good, hardworking individual. I want to discover what my next phase will be and to rediscover the person I am.