#387. systemic design dysfunction, doing it for the plot & for the ego

Age: 22 (23 in my culture)

Relationship Status: Single

Occupation: Marketing Operations

Income: ~6,000 USD/year

Astrological Sign: Leo (Libra rising, Cancer moon)

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

Read something on my kindle (45 mins) + Text/Call loved ones (10-15 mins) +- 5 mins of doing/thinking nothing

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

Success and happiness come in various forms. So, I tend not to regret or grieve over any “lost love”, “academic failure”, or “adulthood mediocrity” as viewed by social conventions.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

“Your 20’s are your best years.” I’m not at my peak yet. Ever heard of neuroplasticity and body recomp?

When have you felt most accepted?

Well, besides the fact that my loved ones always accept my authentic self, I first accepted myself when I enjoy and keep doing my hobbies (singing, drawing, writing, coding), even though I’m definitely not a pro at any of them.

When have you felt most supported?

I guess recently, I asked someone why they helped me (and asked for nothing in return, which I suggested a lot of ways), and they said they saw their younger self in my situation.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

Yes, I am delaying some VERY manageable tasks and lists and will do them afterward.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

Multiples, the most recent is the mortality of one family member. It hurts to see them in pain, and you know time is running out, but we stick together regardless.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

To never overly attach my value to anyone or anything else. I may love what I do at work or love that person, but without them, I can still be myself and feel whole.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

To my mom, to live a better life for myself than she was able to have.

How do you cope with stress?

To remain solution-oriented and not self-sabotage with old habits (binge eating, romantic flings, bed rotting).

What is a moment you are most proud of?

I think when I self-taught myself a language and got certified. To flex, it was purely and entirely intrinsically motivated, for the plot and the ego.

How do you celebrate yourself?

When I don’t have to track time whatsoever and can read, or go to the gym, draw, or play music, however long I want or until I am exhausted.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Constantly being vocal about my inner thoughts or my personality shows louder than my intellect in professional settings. Yes, I am funny, but I can also make comments on some business and socio-economic matters.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Becoming better and wanting more, even though the “more” concept is hard to define and change sometimes, more healthy, more knowledgeable, more loving, having more lived experience.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

My parents could have done better.

No, it’s a systemic design dysfunction that failed to facilitate parenting and benefits from individualism over familial values. I rehearse this every moment. I subconsciously blame them for something; they certainly did their best with the resources they had at the time.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

Nah, emotionally and financially, people owe me nothing and vice versa.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Being self-aware of the value and impact of my every thought and action without being influenced by media messages (especially consumerism or any bad-ism out there).

When do you feel in control?

Saying “No, thanks”. It could be good for some, but I don’t want it or need it. Thanks for your generosity.

When do you feel out of control?

I think whenever affected by my menstrual cycle, my mind always flourishes, but my body sometimes needs rest. It’s kind of let me feel the vulnerability of being a woman and just be there until it’s over, you can’t change it without consequences.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

It has just begun. Wait and see.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I like reading your interviews a lot.