#384. taking back subpar meals, a traumatic injury & being passionate about traveling

Age: 43

Relationship Status: never married

Occupation: consultant

Income: 6 figures

Astrological Sign: Aries

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

Read.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

That it really is okay to say no and/or change my mind.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

To give people the ‘benefit of the doubt’ – more often than not, my intuition has been correct that a person knew better / knew what they were doing and did actually mean harm in some manner, but would attempt to feign ignorance as others would ask me to ‘take the high road’ and let harm done to me go. A close second is ‘not to take things personally’ – how do you want me to take them, economically? Existentially? Philosophically?

When have you felt most accepted?

I have not – it is something that I am still seeking

When have you felt most supported?

A little over two years ago, I suddenly became partially disabled due to a traumatic leg injury. My long-term partner selflessly took excellent care of me, and I will be forever grateful and appreciative of his care. As a woman, statistically, I could have become single at the most vulnerable moment of my life, but my partner genuinely took care of me and continues to be very patient and understanding of my new physical limitations.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

I am avoiding something, but I’m unable to succinctly explain it because I have not resolved being “stuck”. Suddenly, not being able to walk and move my body normally was not something that I anticipated experiencing in this lifetime. I don’t know how to move forward with the rest of my bucket list items, which are very much based on being able-bodied [Aries = active]. I don’t know what my disability “means” and how to find new purpose and reframe what I want to accomplish in this lifetime. I’ve never been “stuck” before, and I think I’ve mentally shut down in a way because no longer being autonomous is very frustrating.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I am very afraid of heights, but I am apparently more passionate about traveling. Several times, I have gone to high places while traveling because I didn’t want to regret missing out on a full experience, and every time I’ve been so happy to have those memories.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

I was not going to allow anyone to stop me from having a successful career and obtaining my doctorate, both of which I have achieved and am very proud of. Several men tried, unfortunately, which was such a waste of my time and energy. It would have been incredibly helpful in my early 20s to have had the message and lived examples of what it means to decenter men.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

That list is actually quite long, which I assess as a positive character trait of mine; I am described by my friends and acquaintances as being an excellent listener, and all types of people throughout my lifetime have come to me to either vent or to seek advice because I genuinely will listen and not repeat what someone tells me when they ask for my discretion. This has seemed to help people, and I appreciate being seen as steadfast and trustworthy by so many diverse types of people.

How do you cope with stress?

Not as well as I would like to. I have trichotillomania and will pull out my eyebrows and/or my eyelashes when very stressed. I dislike that my stress becomes visible in that way.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

I’m very proud of finishing my doctorate while still in the early-ish stages of recovering from my traumatic injury. It was actually a useful way to distract myself while being immobile and struggling in physical therapy, learning to try to move again, and also showing myself that big goals are still possible – that I’m still capable of great things even in this new body.

How do you celebrate yourself?

Another passion of mine is fantastic food, so I will find a new restaurant to try and enjoy a decadent meal.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Respect.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Respect.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

10 seconds ago, when I changed my answer about the “earn” question.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

I wish I could take back any subpar meals that I’ve eaten. How dare you make me taste disappointing food with my own tongue?! Such a waste of time.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Being true to yourself means that you’ve learned to be more flexible in how you naturally evolve over time and learning how to do things that are both comfortable and uncomfortable to maintain holistic self-care; it means clearly defining your personal values and boundaries and taking action to maintain these elements of yourself, which naturally evolve over time – that’s ok and natural. It means enjoying moments of what you find pleasurable and scheduling time to take care of yourself financially (e.g., checking in with your financial goals monthly or quarterly).

When do you feel in control?

I feel in control when I’ve genuinely helped someone. It’s nice when I receive confirmation that my choices have made a meaningful difference in someone’s life.

When do you feel out of control?

When I have to perform capitalistic behaviors at a 9-5 job. It was very disheartening when I realized that ‘middle school cliques’ never really stop being a thing and my ability to contribute something meaningful in this lifetime (because we spend so much of our lives at work) is not actually based on my choices or behavior so much that it’s based on random people’s opinions of me and whether or not I’m considered part of an ‘inner circle’. I sincerely wish that the majority of my life did not have to be spent working, and that I had been trained somehow on how to “win over” bosses and colleagues. I was taught to work hard, but I should have been taught how to make people “feel” good, and that would have gotten me farther. I do not agree with this at all, which is why I’ve never been able to perform this way. I wish I knew what I could do to help break this system, because it’s not right. It eats away at the heart and soul of who we are over lifetimes that are far too short.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

It’s going by way too fast.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

You have permission to continue celebrating yourself and your life even in dark times – it’s necessary for your well-being and sometimes quite literally how you keep hope alive in the most challenging of times. Take whatever moments you need and whatever moments you can smile, laugh, and celebrate life, and celebrate yourself and your loved ones. It is these moments that you will need to remember and draw strength from during dark times - they will make all the difference for you and your communities in coming through to the other side and having better days again.