#363. taking risks, owning the journey & 150 job applications

Age: 28

Relationship Status: Single

Occupation: Unemployed woman who will be a Waitress by night, a Medical Assistant by day, and a Pre-Med student on a break from school.

Income: $28,000-$40,000 per year (I am still new to the job, so at this point, I am still unsure of my yearly income).

Astrological Sign: Aries Sun, Aquarius Moon, Capricorn Rising

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

Ideally, work toward my goal of figuring out what the heck to do with my life. But unfortunately, I think that extra hour would probably be spent procrastinating. Oof.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

“You can always go back.” Whether it’s a place you lived, a job industry you left, school, etc., but NEVER a man (TRUST). If you try something new, you can always return to where you once were. It is better to have done it and decided “Hey, this isn’t for me,” than to have never done it at all.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

“Don’t take a semester off school to really decide what you want to do.” I did it out of obligation and pressure from my parents, and I wish I had just taken the semester off and worked/done some internship or shadowing. I always wanted to get a college degree, but I was so unsure of my major freshman year. I would be in a much different place right now if I had just taken a breather and hadn’t forced my way through college to get the piece of paper, but everything happens for a reason, and I wouldn’t take back my experience during my Bachelor’s for anything.

When have you felt most accepted?

I always feel the most accepted when I am around my close friends. I always wanted a huge friend group as a teenager, but now my circle is small, and I adore them all. I am lucky to have who I have in my life, and I could write love letters to all of them.

When have you felt most supported?

Right now. I sold my home and left my corporate job to go back to school and pursue medicine, and if I didn’t have the bedroom in my dad’s home to live in and his support, I couldn’t do this. I am still not sure if medicine is my calling, but because of this, I can take significant risks and fall backwards with little consequence, and I feel so lucky that I can say that.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

I take pride in facing everything head-on most of the time, so I don’t think I am avoiding anything per se. I usually end up removing things from my life that I don’t want there anymore. I recently dropped a course I was in because my mind was not there, and I knew I needed to re-evaluate. So, I guess right now I am avoiding taking Organic Chemistry until I decide whether I want to continue on the Pre-Med track I was on.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I feared leaving my corporate job and selling my home. I feared feeling like a failure when I felt so “successful” (buying my first home at 25, working a stable job, having a decent savings account, doing home repairs on my own, etc.). I realized that the metric of success was ever-changing, and was a bit of a societal expectation, not something I even entirely wanted. When I quit my job, I was freshly 27, and nowhere near where I thought I was going to be in life (I thought I would at the very least be married, living outside of my home state with a cute little house, and a great paying job). Now, I’m 28, and while I am still not where I want to be, I have learned so much about myself, and I truly have never felt more myself in my whole life. It feels like my life finally started, in a weird way. So, a message to my ladies in their late teens/early twenties: stop thinking you are so “old” and just live! Face your fears!!

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

To never settle for less than I deserve. I am relatively recently single, and I have never felt like any man that I have been with has been “the one.” Whenever I am sad about being single and not having found my person yet, I return to the thought that I wouldn’t have been happy with any man I have been with being my husband, and that gives me peace.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

That I will always be there for them. I recently had an ex reach out for job and life advice, whom I haven’t spoken to in a long while. It gave me such a good feeling that I was sought out to talk them off the ledge, so to speak. No matter our past, I will always be there for the people that I have loved.

How do you cope with stress?

Listen to some good music, freak out about it to my friends and family, and sleep. This year I recently started to workout and supposedly it helps with stress? But I haven’t noticed that at all. It is great to go to a workout class and think about how angry I am at my ex-boyfriend while doing ball slams, though. Therapeutic as hell.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

Any time I have ever left a situation that no longer served me, no matter how hard it was.

How do you celebrate yourself?

I find this hard to do (trauma lol). Everything I have ever accomplished felt like an expectation, not something I could be proud of or celebrate. When I turned 22, I started to buy myself something big for every birthday. I bought a MacBook (my PC broke that year, so it was also kind of a necessary purchase), nice headphones, concert tickets, plane tickets to see a friend, etc. I think that’s my way of celebrating just getting through another year of life. On any normal week, though, it’s definitely some sushi and binging a good TV show alone on the couch.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

While free money would be lovely, I feel like I have to earn a living somehow, some way by myself. Living off of someone else in any way is not a life I see for myself.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Honesty from those that I love and that love me back.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

I guess I am in the process of that right now. A year ago, I thought I wanted to pursue medicine as a career by potentially going “all the way” and becoming a doctor. Now, I am not so sure. I always struggled with the idea of changing my mind because I thought I was failing, but it is just an inevitable part of existing. And why would I want to spend my short life doing something I really don’t want to do?

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

Any time I was ever cruel to another person for my own selfish reasons. My parents divorced when I was just starting to go through puberty, and I was an angry, hormonal teenage girl who took it out on everyone else. While in certain cases the attitude was warranted, and I was also just a child, I really wish I could take certain things back that were said. As an adult, I found out my boyfriend was having an emotional affair, so months later, I had one too. I eventually broke up with him when I was sitting in my car and had this moment of “WTF are we even doing? And why am I still in this relationship??” Two wrongs don’t make a right, and I have had to do a lot of forgiving myself in the last few years. I learned a lot from that experience, but nonetheless wish I could take it back.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Sharing my true feelings no matter what. If I’m tired, I will tell you. If I really like you, I’m telling you! If I am just not feeling it that day, I’m telling you. If I just want to be goofy for the day to distract myself from the sad feelings, that is what I am going to do. Life is too short for people not to know how you really feel.

When do you feel in control?

Pretty much never, and I am learning how to live with that fact.

When do you feel out of control?

Pretty much always, and I am learning to live with that fact.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

I am on a journey that is my own and no one else’s.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

After leaving a toxic job and 150+ job applications, I received two offers! The unemployment era is over, and I start this week!