#331. nicotine, non-monogamy & reclaiming a love of pleasure

Age: 34

Relationship Status: Ethical non-monogamist with two partners  

Occupation: Artist

Income: 50k

Astrological Sign: Leo sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising.

How are you, really?

The state of the world and the orange man have me full of anger and desperation for things to change. But in my daily personal life, I'm better than I've ever been. I've finally gotten to a place where I have inner peace, true happiness, and confidence.

What is the greatest change you’ve made this year?

I'm living my truth as a non-monogamist woman out loud, here in the south and with my very catholic family, and it feels amazing.

What is something you hope never changes?

That people keep hope. Hope for a better country and a more progressive future for us all. Hope keeps us all alive. 

When do you feel most capable?

When I'm creating. As an artist, the flow state is life itself, creation is me and I am her, and together we make beautiful things.

How do you nurture yourself?

I prioritize my physical and mental health by exercising daily, dancing, Journaling, and centering my needs and desires, and working on putting down sexual shame, reclaiming my love for pleasure.

How do you nurture others?

I try to make them feel seen and accepted. I'm the kind of person who is very understanding; you could tell me anything, and I won't judge. I'll try to understand. And I'll love you regardless.

Is there anything you wish you had said but didn’t?

No. I've always been the type to be quite honest and forthright. I have zero regrets, for everything I've said or not said has made me who I am, and I love me.

What is something that turns you on?

Empathy and compassion. A willingness to explore and try new things. Hands, necks and collarbones.

What is something that turns you off?

Bigotry and closed-mindedness. Bad hygiene. Excessive loud arrogance.

When was the last time you walked away from something that no longer served you?

I stopped talking to my bio father 4 years ago. After a lifetime of trying to carry that relationship on my back, I realized I deserved better and he was never going to give it to me. So I let him go and began my healing journey.

How often do you feel you achieve balance?

Quite often. I'm lucky enough to have a lifestyle where I can prioritize rest and a soft life when I need it.

What is one risk you took that resulted in reward?

I quit my job as a loan processor after 8 years. I was the most miserable I've ever been. It was so, so worth it.

When do you feel most overwhelmed?

I'm a late diagnosed autistic woman, so I'm still learning how to feel safe enough to unmask. Social situations can make that quite hard and scary at times.

How do you move forward?

To go forward you must go through. Feel the feelings, let yourself be sad and angry, and validate your experiences. Then start moving on instead of staying stuck. 

What is something that will always make you laugh?

My partners. They both bring me such joy and love, I laugh every day of my life thanks to them. They give me hope in men again.

What is something that will always make you cry?

When someone else cries. My empathy just can't help it. Or when I see those videos of animals being reunited with their owners.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Of course, and I've betrayed others. We as humans stumble and learn and hurt one another, it's simply how life goes.

What is your greatest temptation?

Nicotine. My brain is horribly addicted to it and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop honestly.

What is one thing you feel is missing from your current life?

Honestly? Nothing. I've worked so hard to get where I am mentally and physically. I have a safe and beautiful home, loving partners who adore me, good friends and a happy life most days. I am very lucky.

What is one thing you can’t get enough of?

Good food, good company, and mind-blowing orgasms.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

Past you would be so proud of who you are today. I look back at all the me's I have been; how scared and abused I was, and I think ‘my god, I prayed to be the woman I am today’. And so did you🩷 And here we are, doing the damn thing.