Age: 23
Relationship Status: Single
Occupation: Assistant Speech Therapist
Income: 50k
Astrological Sign: Scorpio
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
Flossing. It took 20 cavities (a high dollar dentist bill) during a 3-year long depression to wake me up. My dentist is a Russian immigrant, a beautiful and blunt lady. She scolded the daylight out of me in her gorgeous voice. In an attempt to not disappoint her again, I dedicated my morning to never skipping flossing. It is horrible sometimes. It is the hardest thing I do. However, I never get cavities, and I never bleed while flossing. It was the first marker of getting me out of this deep, self-medicated fog I was in. It forced me toward small disciplinary action.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
Fitness, specifically in water. I kayak and swim laps often. It helps me stay centered because I can’t listen to music under water, and I can’t check my phone while holding oars. I have a deep social media addiction. This is my meditative time.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
Attention. I am an attention whore. Negative or positive, I do not care. All of it feels like love to me.
When do you question yourself?
Male validation. I realized I forgive men for so much, yet I hold my female friends to a more substantial standard of mutual respect. I let men walk all over me because I intrinsically value what they say more than my own intuition. I have addressed this in myself after this last toxic relationship. I am a bad judge of character and have shaky self-respect. I am still this sexually traumatized teenager in my head, and I regress to this in romance. I have a beautiful life and beautiful friends, and I have reached all my long-term goals, and still, I will disappear behind a terrible man. I decided this year to be celibate. I refuse to end up with a person who isn’t right for me.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
Working in special education. It is my calling, working with disability. I got really good advice in college, that to have self-esteem, you must do estimable things. The minute I started working in this field things fell into place for me. Many jobs require you to be a worse person to be the most efficient, but in my field, I find I must become a better person to be a better worker. Thus, my whole life and self-worth has improved as a result.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
Recently, I had an intimate partner do things covertly with another person, and it felt like a sick betrayal. The day he broke up with me, he started seeing another girl whilst we still lived together, a girl he assured me “not to worry about.” I became insane as a result of this and sent some heavy-hitting DMs. I blocked both of these people, moved out, and I have no idea what happened as a result. My mom shamed me for caring, considering this man was nowhere near worth the emotional labor this required. I have moved on from it all, but I was left with shame. I have never been confrontational and will historically let people off the hook while carrying the grief. Unfortunately, these people got the wrath of my new-found self-advocacy, and I did not hold back—one extreme to the other. I forgave myself, though. I’ve never stretched this muscle before. I am more balanced because of it.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
Interesting, I found forgiveness for my abuser recently. I realized that harboring hate toward this person was holding me back. Forgiveness is not for his sake but for mine. I have had to deal with a whole life of running away. Somehow, very recently, I realized that even reminiscing about what occurred doesn’t sicken me anymore. I chose to forgive him so my mind could be a safe place for me again.
How do you ground/center yourself?
Miracle Tones on Spotify and pressing my hand firmly on my heart.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
My friends. I used to be a terrible friend because I was very secretive. I didn’t want to own up to what I felt, and I was searching for someone to excavate it out of me. In adulthood, I realized mature people don’t wait for others to notice their pain. It is an incredibly demanding task to ask of your friends.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
I feel like the best version of myself now; single, working full time, practicing hobbies daily, making choices that strengthen my relationships with family and friends. I am just so awesome alone.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
Having kids with the frame of mind they will improve you, your life, or your relationship. They sometimes make all of these things much harder, and you have to raise them to the top of your ability anyway!
What is something you know for sure?
My momma loves me.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
1. Must have ambition
2. Strong financial literacy
3. Pro-choice
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
Drunk.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
Yes! My friend when she flirts. I have never seen her fail. She can get anyone she wants. And she doesn’t even want anyone.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
A car from my parents (actually 2, because I totaled one at age 16).
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
Going to see The Strokes live. It was stringent on me acquiring a plane ticket the day before and I chickened out. I should have just bought the ticket and skipped my shift and all my classes.
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
Shrooms with strangers (I hope I say no, that is).
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
Probably my ability to get things taken care of. I am not one to procrastinate or beat around the bush.
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a Ph.D. holder and lobby for humane service and housing options for adults with cognitive disability.
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