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#234. fragility, resilience and being madly, deeply in love

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney



Age: 40

Relationship Status: Married (second time)

Occupation: Freelance CX strategist

Income: Variable

Astrological Sign: Aries (cusp of Taurus)


What is the most important part of your daily routine?

Exercise is the one thing that I’ve realized is totally within my control. They say it’s the one thing you can do and never feel bad about. I didn’t exercise for a few months, and my mental health really declined. I love the feel of endorphins during and after a workout.


What is your current happiness most dependent on?

Not having expectations of myself. I have had some real lows this year based on where I’m ‘supposed’ to be in my career. I spent a lot of time comparing myself to those who ‘love their corporate jobs’ (or so my mind tells me). My job that I loved was restructured in 2023 and I made the decision to go out on my own. I do enjoy working for myself, but the grind is tough; it's difficult to sell CX (customer experience).


What do you wish you were less reliant on?

My mind making up stories to keep me ‘safe’. My ego gets in the way and says, ‘Well, you failed at that again,’ and I place a lot of pressure on myself to get things right. I also feel that we’ve been bought up to admire corporate progression when, in reality, we need more disruption and innovation out in the world. Our family has had a tough few years and I’ve learnt to allow myself to take risks that ultimately give me more joy.


When do you question yourself?

When I need to make a decision for my son (he’s 11), parenting is like a path you take, following a book with no words. In 2020, we lost his Dad to suicide. That event changed the direction of what we thought our lives were going to be. But they say that ‘life quakes’ are there to make you more resilient. And I feel I can truly take anything on, as long as my mind allows!


What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

I'm realizing that my heart tells me the truth. My mind is chaotic, like 82 people in a busy room. My heart is a peaceful woman who only wants the best for me.


What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

I’ve made peace with the fact that I do not (and nor will I) ever repair the relationship I have with my mother. I grew out of her parenting style when I was eight years old. The amount of lies and deceit from her demonstrated what I feel set me on a path of shame and guilt for being the strong and resilient woman I am today. I was always too emotional, but now I see this as a superpower.


What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

My ex-husband, for taking his life. He got lost in the masks he wore. And life was too much for him to bear. He was not in a place to understand how to heal from his past. My now husband and I have navigated our lives together in a way that I am immensely proud of.


How do you ground/center yourself?

Nature. There is so much healing to be done basking in the sun. The feeling of ocean water and the smell of openness and freedom. We get lost in the urban jungle, and there’s so much joy and wonder to be had in the outdoors. I am so lucky to live in such a gorgeous country, and I sometimes take it for granted. I love being 10 minutes from a beach, 2 minutes from a park, and being able to just walk outside and explore our neighborhood.


What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

My husband. He is my calm, my joy, my crazy, my joy, my freedom, and my safety. When we first met, I was 34 and freshly out of my previous marriage. He is the perfect blend of sexy and cute. He has stood by me in so many turbulent times. And I hope that others reading this can have (or do already) what I have.


Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

This year, when I partied in Malta at the TRIIP festival with my husband. I loved the atmosphere, the music, the people, and the freedom to be and do whatever I liked with no worries. There’s something about being in that type of place and dancing like everyone’s watching that brings me so much joy.


What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

People who give advice when it’s coming from: 1. An inexperienced place or 2. A place of judgment and selfishness. Sometimes, people want the best for us. Other times, they’re happy to pull us down in favor of their ego.


What is something you know for sure?

Even after six years, I am truly madly deeply in love with my husband.


What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

1. Freedom

2. Security

3. Communication


When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

When I’m sitting in my living room on a Sunday night, our King Charles Cavalier has a paw on me, my son is snacking after not eating his dinner, and the husband is relaxing (probably watching Reels or TikTok). I know ‘Sunday Scaries’ are a real thing for most. But I’ve embraced the way of thinking of a new week.


Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

My son. He is the kindest, most thoughtful, caring soul. He teaches me something new most days and reminds me that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously. He picks up the slightest inflection when I’m not feeling okay - “Mummy, you okay?” he asks. It makes me so proud of how we’ve navigated challenging times in his life.


What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

My Dyson vacuum cleaner. There is something to be said about the convenience of no cord and a clean floor.


What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

Not yes, as such. But I wish I’d done it. I was an Account Manager and had the chance to try my hand at being a Junior Planner. I had all the intentions of giving it a go, but I didn’t think I could do it, so I just gave up.


What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

People who are inconsistent. Life is fragile. My close friends are my absolute community. I like to think I take good care of those close to me when they need me. What is the point of saying you’ll be there and not following through?


What do you believe is your most attractive quality?

My ability to feel emotion from others, deeply. I believe I’m a great listener (most of the time!) and I often have people tell me I should have been a psychologist.


What/who do you want to be when you grow up?

A photographer. I love capturing things that people don’t see and to give a different perspective.


BONUS: Tell me something good.

Your account is one of the only ones on TikTok that I read and feel an immense amount of joy and hope from. Women are truly incredible, and despite what we’ve been through, we keep going.

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