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Writer's pictureDevyn Penney

#176. girls' trips, potty training & two ships passing in the night




Age: 38

Relationship Status: Married for 3 years

Occupation: Event Marketing

Income: ~$220 total comp

Astrological Sign: Full-time Leo

 

What is your first thought every morning?

With two young kids, my mornings start extremely early, and I haven’t gotten to a place of acceptance with that. My first thoughts are usually some feeling of being frustrated and still tired, but I’m actively working on changing that mindset.


What is something you do solely for you?

Working out in the mornings. It is something that takes the edge off for me, and I am a firm believer in getting the hardest things out of the way first thing in the AM. I also love to watch vlogs on YouTube in bed.


What is something you dread?

There are very few things in motherhood I dread, but we’re going to be potty training our 2-year-old this month, and I can’t think of anything I’d rather not do. It seems like a complete inconvenience while you go through the process, but I know it will be worth it when we come out on the other side.


What is something you are looking forward to?

Getting a new job. I’ve been interviewing for a while now and making it to the late stages only to be turned down for what seems like trivial things ( I was actually told I wasn’t enthusiastic enough about the opportunity…!?!?!) The hours and hours of prep it takes to get to the late stages make me want to give up, but I am no longer happy nor am I being served in my current role.


When do you feel most accomplished?

When I grocery shop on Saturday in time to do some actual meal planning/prep on Sunday.


What is something you regret investing in financially?

I co-signed on a car for my ex-boyfriend which, in turn, tied me to him long after our breakup. My kindness (and good credit) was taken advantage of. I hate him.


What is something you regret investing in emotionally?

I’m drawn to answer this question with the investments I’ve put into my previous romantic relationships, but at the end of the day, it brought me to my husband. How could I regret that?


What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?

(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)

  1. Investing in the stock market – I started real small and have built and diversified my portfolio over the last decade.

  2. Good skin care – my routine isn’t extensive, but it’s effective

  3. Girls trips no matter how challenging it may feel to plan and get out of the group chat.

When do you feel most creative?

On the somewhat rare occasion that I get a chance to go out with my husband or friends, the feeling of getting ready is really a creative process for me. Figuring out the vibe of my makeup, putting together an outfit, and choosing accessories – these are all things I put a lot of time into before I became a mom, and it feels like I’m still myself and enjoying my own company when I get to do this.


How often do you compare yourself to others? When?

I probably compare myself to others more often than I think with how much I spend on social media, but I don’t feel like it's problematic. I recognize that, all things considered, I live a life some others dream of having. I’m very grateful for my good fortune and privilege. This perspective grounds me when/if my thoughts run to “if only I had what she has…”


What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?

There was a time in my life that I look back on and cannot believe that was the woman I had become. It’s actually something I’ve always wanted to talk to a therapist about because I look back and see how truly lost I was. I want to thank that woman for redesigning her life and for believing that you can always re-write who you want to become. I really believe that.


What is one thing you believe about your future self?

The best is yet to come!


What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?

My world is a lot larger than the four walls I grew up in. I’m extremely fortunate to have grown up in a loving and supportive household, but we were never encouraged to spread our wings, so to speak. I didn’t get to see the world until I could fund it myself and actually resisted traveling even when I could afford it. It wasn’t until I took my first international trip that I saw there was so much to learn. As they say, travel is the only thing you spend money on that makes you richer.


Have you ever felt pure joy? When?

If I could relive my wedding weekend, I would in a heartbeat. Being surrounded by so much love between my friends and family and blending my husband’s world into mine was so beautiful.


What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?

I can’t be the only mother and wife who feels this, but I miss my relationship with my husband. While the birth of our children has created this deeper routed love for one another, we are truly two ships passing in the night. Once the kids are down, we’re too exhausted by the demands of the day to even hold a conversation, let alone think about sex. I miss feeling courted by him; I miss laughing and enjoying mutual hobbies with one another. I’m holding out hope that we get that back….


When do you feel most in your feminine energy?

When I’m surrounded by my closest girlfriends, drinking wine and chatting about life – I’m talking about everything from the state of politics, our current book obsession, the latest beauty treatment we want to try, to current work drama. Oh, how I love being a woman!


What is one interaction that changed your life?

Without any hesitation – the birth of my sons. Meeting them and holding them felt like this wash of soft light slowly filling every corner of my body. I’ve never felt such immense love ever before. Becoming a mommy is like being given the most precious and unique gift this world could ever offer, even though many women experience it – it feels made just for me.


What is something you want to give up?

Instant gratification in the form of impulse shopping or eating sugar.


What is something you want to take up?

I want to find a hobby that is friendly to motherhood. Something that doesn’t require a large chunk of time commitment, something that doesn’t take up a lot of space in my home, etc.


What do you believe is a universal truth?

It might sound corny, but I really truly believe that everything that has happened before me – for better or worse – has led me to where I am, in this exact moment. And the way things are playing out for me now will set the foundation for what’s to come. And as I said, the best is yet to come J


BONUS: Tell me something good.

Now that we are into Fall and Halloween is behind us, I’m so excited for the holidays with my little family. I can’t wait to make it so special and memorable for the boys. I recognize their childhood will shape them for the rest of their lives, and making family memories and little traditions makes me so excited.

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