Age: 31
Relationship Status: separated, in the process of divorce
Occupation: registered nurse
Income: $30.76/hour (about 63,000/year gross)
Astrological Sign: Gemini
What is your first thought every morning?
That I want to go back to bed. Then immediately questioning how I can break life’s cycle of wake up, work, come home, sleep, repeat.
What is something you do solely for you?
Once a month, on one of my off days, I take my son to school and come right back home and rot. I’ll either go back to sleep, scroll TikTok forever, binge a show, practice piano, go get my favorite lunch and bring it back, just basically do nothing. I call it my guilt-free lazy day pass. It honestly helps me. I don’t clean, do laundry, or run errands on this day. I just allow myself to be lazy.
What is something you dread?
Work. 100%. After a near-death experience, I feel like we are not supposed to live this way. If I didn’t need to provide for my child (money & insurance) or I were smart enough to become rich, I would 100% not work. Work gives ZERO fucks about you.
What is something you are looking forward to?
A day where my heart feels at peace. There isn’t a day that goes by where I can’t stop thinking of the what-ifs, or whys in my life. I just want to feel happy about where I’m at, what I’m doing, and who I am. I hope that day comes and stays.
When do you feel most accomplished?
When I see my son be kind or caring towards others. And when a patient takes the time to write me or thank me for taking care of them.
What is something you regret investing in financially?
A credit card. I didn’t read the fine print. Spent probably $2500 on that thing (not all at once) but with interest rates, I couldn’t keep up. Was at $7,000 before I knew it and over half was money I never even spent. It was interest. All within a little over a year. I don’t want to own another. If I do, I will be smarter about it.
What is something you regret investing in emotionally?
My soon-to-be ex-husband. There’s a saying, “it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have not loved at all.” I genuinely do not feel this way. I’m not saying there weren’t great times, but 10 years of my life is wasted. I’m jaded, I’m traumatized, I’m negative all the time, and I’m not a negative person. I wasn’t a negative person. He ruined the way I look at every aspect of my life now.
What are three things you think are absolutely worth the investment?
(financially, emotionally, or time/energy-wise)
Your health. Sounds so cliche, but you only get one body. And now that I have a son, I just want to take care of myself for him. Wish I had sooner.
Your PASSIONS. Whether this be your career, hobbies, etc. It is worth the investment to be true and genuine to who you are and find out what you like to do and WHY. Because in the end you’ve only got yourself and I hope you did something with passion!
Traveling. It’s so important to me to see the world and experience its beauty. I hope to start traveling more.
When do you feel most creative?
When making crafts/gifts for others. Gift giving is my love language, and I get pretty creative with it! Also- I hate my place of employment, but I really get creative with games/fun things for staff engagement because I LOVE the people!
How often do you compare yourself to others? When?
Used to be daily. Hell, hourly. Especially my body. But after almost dying, I just don’t anymore. Sure, sometimes I think man, “they’ve got a lot going for them and they’re the same age I am, what the heck?” Or the occasional “damn why can’t I look like that??” But I don’t really compare too much anymore. Why would I? Comparison is the thief of joy. I believe that one.
What is one thing you’d like to thank your past self for?
I wouldn’t thank her for a thing. She was a coward. She was too scared of not being liked and not being loved, that she landed us in a SHIT situation. I hope that I can thank my current self in the future though.
What is one thing you believe about your future self?
That I’ll be okay. I don’t feel like I’m okay right now. But I believe one day I will be. I hope so anyway.
What is one thing you learned in childhood that you have now had to unlearn in adulthood?
Religion. This is controversial, I know. I genuinely support anyone and everyone no matter what God they do/don’t believe in. But Catholic Religion was the hardest thing to unlearn from my childhood. Going to a Catholic Church and private Catholic school k-8, a lot of the people of the parish used this “holier than though” attitude and belief that God would forgive them for anything to justify being absolute fucking assholes. And they’d shame anyone else who didn’t do or believe the same as they did.
Have you ever felt pure joy? When?
Yes. A couple times a week actually. When I’m just chilling at home, out at the park, eating dinner, I glance over at my son and there are these moments where I look at him and I am just…ecstatic that he is a part of my life. I’m lucky enough to be his mom. He brings me TRUE, pure joy on the reg.
What is something that would feel really good to get off your chest?
All the things my ex-husband said and did to me.
When do you feel most in your feminine energy?
This sounds crazy, but when I stand up for myself. I was always a rule-follower and people pleaser until I almost died. Now if someone is talking to me sideways, I absolutely stand up for myself. I am GOOD at confrontation now. And when I’m standing up for myself or others I feel like a badass woman!
What is one interaction that changed your life?
Not an interaction per se, but an event. I almost died from COVID; I was ventilated for 11 days. While I was vented, they didn’t think I was going to make it (the doctors were planning a post-mortem C-section and everything). I really believe I experienced dying and they got me back. One minute I’m on the OR table fighting the anesthesia and then I left my body, and was floating on the ceiling, looking down at myself on the operating room table, watching the team perform my crash c-section. I didn’t want to go back. I kept floating up and then everything went black. PITCH BLACK. I couldn’t see anything. I was sooooooo comfortable, I was weightless, and my body was warm. No thoughts. No worries. It was euphoric. And if that’s what death is…I can’t wait for it again. But that changed my life. That’s when I was like…life’s too short.
What is something you want to give up?
Gossip. Talking poorly of people/myself.
I have been practicing this at work SO HARD. If a thought, comment about someone, or piece of information about something/someone comes to me and I find myself wanting to gossip it to a coworker or text it to a friend, I will literally type it out to that person. Re-read it. Say “if I tell this person this… LITERALLY what benefit comes from it? Would it hurt someone else’s feelings? Would I be embarrassed or upset if someone caught me saying this?” 9 times out of 10 I delete everything and move on. I’ve always admired truly genuine/nice women. I didn’t meet any (excluding family) until my first nursing job and was like wow…they have hearts of gold. Nobody has anything bad to say about them, and they have nothing bad to say of anyone else. I aspire to be that unproblematic and secure with myself. I’m getting there.
What is something you want to take up?
Consistently working out. My entire life from the time I was nine, I have been exercising on and off solely to lose weight to look pretty, fit in, or have someone like me. I want to be consistent in working out for my health now. I struggle with all-or-nothing mentality. (Like if I miss one workout of the five I was supposed to do this week, I just quit).
What do you believe is a universal truth?
That life goes on. No matter what happens, that the sun is going to set and then rise again, and we all are eventually going to die.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I think I’ve made a real friend. Friendships are HARD. I always feel like I’m putting in more effort, or I don’t enjoy their time/hanging out like I should, or they don’t actually like me, and I can’t be myself. But this friend kind of came out of nowhere. She wants to actually hang with me and asks often, no matter what we’re doing it feels easy. She’s so supportive of me and is an amazing listener. She’s one of the genuinely nice people. It’s one of those friendships I hope to keep.
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