Age: 28
Relationship Status: In a relationship
Occupation: Death Penalty Appellate Attorney
Income: $71,250
Astrological Sign: Scorpio Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Check my phone. Actually, fall back asleep for five more minutes. Then check my phone. Not great.
Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When?
My first job out of law school, after I had taken the bar exam but before I got results back. It was when I first realized my boyfriend was “the one,” and I was enjoying the comfort in knowing I had found my person. I started as a Public Defender and found I was really great at the job. I met a coworker who would go on to become my best friend, and I had a strong relationship with my family. Then, I learned I failed the bar, and everything went to shit career-wise.
What is your most repetitive, negative thought?
I’m not good enough/I’m defective. Not good at my job, everyone secretly hates me, etc.
What is your most repetitive, positive thought?
This sounds insane, but ever since I was little I’ve just known I’m destined for greatness. I live my life under the assumption that every struggle I’ve encountered is there to lead me to the place I am meant to be.
What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood?
Shit is constantly happening, and usually at the most inconvenient moment. Tires blow out, A/C stops working, love ones get sick (and sometimes die). And you’re expected to clock in anyway, and nobody even gives you a treat or pat on the back.
What are three things you want to put every woman onto?
1. A workout routine, unfortunately. It’s a tough buy-in, but if you work out consistently for a month, you begin to crave it.
2. Magnesium citrate at night. It’ll help you sleep and poop.
3. “All About Love” by bell hooks.
Rank the following from most to least important:
Love, Money, Laughter, Food, Sex (feel free to explain or don’t).
Money, food, sex, love, and laughter. It’s hard to laugh when you’re broke.
How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood?
My mom had me very young, and I’m her only child. We were very enmeshed. We’re still close, but I try hard to establish boundaries with her. To her credit, she recognizes our relationship dynamic wasn’t the healthiest, and she puts in effort on her end. I don’t speak to my father. My stepdad is my father figure, and our relationship has remained consistent throughout my life.
When do you feel most like yourself?
I used to say it when I was alone, but really, it’s when that voice inside my head telling me everyone actually hates me and thinks I’m annoying dies down. I have cultivated relationships where I can say/act/dress/joke how I want and feel accepted. So, I think whenever I am with people whose company doesn’t drain me.
What is the best compliment someone has ever given you?
My ex’s aunt once told me I reminded her of Sarah Silverman, and that she wishes she could be as honest and funny as I am. It really touched me. I only met her a couple times before then, and I found myself being much more outgoing than I typically am. I had that moment of, “shit, I’m being annoying,” but instead she was genuinely laughing. I never got to tell her how much that helped me, and is something I carry with me years later.
How do you feel about falling in love?
In truth? Scared. I have a fear that if I speak too well about my boyfriend and our relationship, when he leaves me, I’ll feel like an idiot. In my head, leaving is not an “if” but a “when.” Being in a relationship where I feel truly seen, appreciated, and accepted has healed something deep within me, though. I feel like I am one part of a true unit, and it’s the most fantastic thing that has ever happened to me. I am in awe of it every day.
What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?
“How do you sleep at night defending criminals?” Or comments of that sort. I have no problem talking about why I do what I do, but I hate when people aren’t seeking to truly understand or learn but instead judge or even punish. Usually, when people ask me about my job, I just lie so I don’t have to deal with it.
How often do you feel alone?
Rarely. Maybe even never. I wasn’t always like this though, and I feel genuinely blessed to have reached this point.
What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime?
Love, acceptance. To me, they are synonymous.
What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?
Feeling unloved. Being castigated or betrayed by people who are supposed to love them.
What is the best decision you’ve ever made?
Spending money and time on health issues. I had terrible recurring UTIs and gastric issues for years. I’ve been dedicating resources to fixing the problems. My mental health has dramatically increased as my physical symptoms have improved.
When do you feel most at ease?
When I am having a lazy Saturday with my boyfriend. Maybe we’re reading our books, separately but together. Maybe we’re watching a movie. Maybe we’re just swapping silly TikToks on our phones. No plans, no expectations, just together.
What does having a successful life mean to you?
I think women can have it all, but not all at once. So, I want to have it all. I want a strong romantic relationship, a fulfilling career, child(ren), and lots of travel. Life becomes more manageable when you move from thinking, “I need to be firing on all cylinders,” to “this cylinder is doing really well, and maybe that other one over there needs a bit more time to fire, and that’s okay.” I want to do it all and do it well, but without the pressure of thinking, I need to reach this perfect zenith, and anything short of that is a failure.
How often do you think about your body?
Often. If you include hair in your definition of body, then constantly.
When do you ask for help?
As a genuine last resort. If I have exhausted all options on my own (usually in secret!).
What is something you feel strongly about?
Be curious! Be kind! I think “why” is the most important word in the English language. When someone commits a crime, is rude to you, or is living a life that doesn’t align with your values, ask yourself, “Why could that be?” Then, ask them. Accept how little you know about the world around you. This is all our first time here.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I am going to have Haagen Dazs vanilla bean ice cream with chocolate magic turtle shell after dinner, and it is going to be fantastic.
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