#390. having faith, confronting friends & fulfilling a purpose

Age: 29

Relationship Status: Single

Income: Prefer not to say

Astrological Sign: Libra

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

It depends day to day, but some form of self-care. That could be a walk just to look at the sky (especially at sunset) or sleeping in, or watching another episode of TV.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

Be delusional with the things we ask from God because He is limitless, while we are limited. And if we ask based on what we think is possible or familiar with, our circumstances might not change. Delulu is sometimes the solulu.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

My mother gave me this advice out of desperation for me to be married, but she said that the longer I wait, the smaller the pool of eligible men. This has some truth to it, but I don’t need a pool. I just need the one guy to marry. And I wholeheartedly believe that he is already written for me, and I will meet him when the timing is right. It’s more common these days to find your person in your 30s (and above), so I’m not too worried.

When have you felt most accepted?

With God. I’m Muslim, and when I started focusing on my relationship with God, it helped me develop a more secure attachment style with everyone else, because no matter what state and headspace I am in, God will always be there for me. I am wholly accepted as I am by Him. And it’s easier to be myself with others, because I have that anchor to fall back on.

When have you felt most supported?

I have this one friend who consistently celebrates with me as if she were the one achieving the things I have. She lives halfway across the world, but when I ran my first marathon this year, she tracked my bib number and sent me encouraging messages when I wasn’t feeling so good about my running. She believes in me when I don’t believe in myself sometimes.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

How complacent I am at this stage of life. I feel too comfortable in my job and am not progressing in the traditional sense. I have lost a lot of passion and interest in things career and education-wise, and I’m not sure what to do next.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I have always avoided confrontation, but a few years into therapy, I told myself that I could not continue this way. So, I started expressing myself more with friends – when I was unhappy about their lack of effort or when I felt undervalued in our friendship. It was scary because I always fear how they will take it, but it has either strengthened the friendship or led to its loss.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

I told myself a long while ago that I would not let the lack of company stop me from fulfilling my intention, and I have kept by that ever since. This means sometimes going to the movies, working out, and exploring places alone. I don’t feel as lonely as I did before; in fact, I know that I will show up for myself when others won’t, and I trust myself even more now.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

I’m not sure - it used to be that their secrets stayed with me, but I find myself not keeping that promise as much right now. I always tend to tell my sister everything, or another friend, if the situation helps them.

How do you cope with stress?

Exercise, journalling, praying, crying, therapy, sharing the burden with friends, doom scrolling.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

I can’t take any credit for this, but I rely on my faith to get through life. I’m just really grateful to be given the chance to do so.

How do you celebrate yourself?

It’s a work in progress because I am very hard on myself. I keep raising the bar for myself, so everything I achieve is compared to someone else who does it better. But I suppose I treat myself to a spa, or a facial, or an iced coffee.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

The love and affection of others, because I had to earn the approval of my mother by adding value in the house – doing chores, being obedient, and helping out. I couldn’t just be. I have also had to unlearn the concept of earning rest. I used to feel bad about my productivity when I had nothing to do, but now I let myself nap and sleep in even more when I need it.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Tough one, because I don’t think that our circumstances are based on our deservedness/worthiness of them. Sometimes bad people get a good life, and good people get a bad life - nothing to do with our worth. And I think this mindset keeps me humble, because I don’t take my privilege for granted.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

I have a complicated relationship with my brother - he has done some things I don’t approve of, and so I constantly change my mind about how I feel towards him.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

Yes, I wish I were less naïve in my early 20s about life and how unfair it is, but I also don’t think I would have grown without naivety.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Aligning my inner and outer self. I do hold some contradictions within myself, though, because sometimes I have to put my feelings aside and behave in ways that don’t feel authentic to how I feel/think. In most cases, though, I try to express myself based on my moral code.

When do you feel in control?

When I’m exercising, I used to have a bad eating disorder growing up, and that was the only time I felt in control of myself. Which is why I prefer solo sports (running, swimming, yoga) and not team ones. I don’t like having to depend on others to feel good.

When do you feel out of control?

When I am physically ill, and I can’t will my body to heal quicker than it does (which keeps me away from working out, which is what helps me feel in control), and when I am in a group setting and can’t just make decisions on my own because I have to consider everyone’s views.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

I hope to fulfill my purpose with it.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I’m glad that I have a better relationship with my parents now. It used to be quite rocky, but we are mostly aligned on a lot of things, and their support now means a lot to me. There is wisdom in everything, so perhaps still being unmarried means more time to spend with them.