#369. survival, surrender & staying soft

Age: 24

Relationship Status: Soon to be engaged

Occupation: WFH mom

Income: $15,000

Astrological Sign: Pisces

If you had an extra hour each day, what would you do with it?

Nurture myself more! I’d do more self-care to treat myself instead of feeling like I’m playing catch up all the time.

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received?

That love should feel easy. I didn’t actually believe that until I got into my current relationship.

What is the worst piece of advice you have ever received?

To “be realistic”. My mother told me that when I was a teenager, when discussing career ambitions. I feel like I always subconsciously internalize that and doubt myself and my goals because of it.

When have you felt most accepted?

In my current relationship. I’ve never had to perform, compete, or earn love. I never knew that was possible until now.

When have you felt most supported?

When I was leaving an abusive relationship. I was going to become a single mom. Everyone was in my corner, and I can’t think of another time in my life when I’ve had so much support.

Is there anything you are avoiding?

Making a career/education decision. I’m indecisive and change my mind a lot, and I’m scared of choosing “wrong”. I’m scared to commit so much time and money and have whatever I decide not work out.

Have you ever confronted a fear? How did it go?

I was scared to commit to a new relationship after leaving an abusive one and moving in with him. Having been a single mom, I was scared to choose “wrong” for my daughter. But it’s been the best thing in the whole wide world. He’s the best stepdad, and we’re getting married next year.

What is one promise that you have kept to yourself?

That I wouldn’t end up or be like my mother.

What is one promise that you have kept to someone else?

To not let anyone make me “hard”. I’ve always been a sensitive, empathetic, caring, and kind person. Sometimes to a fault. I’ve been through a lot in my life that a lot of people I know haven’t. I’ve gone through all these challenges without a role model or handbook. It’s easy to let cruel events and people make you a hard-hearted person, but I think I’ve done a good job at not letting that happen to me. I’m stronger because of them, and I’m still soft and kind and caring.

How do you cope with stress?

I clean! When I’m stressed, it’s usually about something that’s out of my control. Cleaning helps me feel in control of my surroundings.

What is a moment you are most proud of?

Leaving an abusive relationship and getting through postpartum alone.

How do you celebrate yourself?

I compliment myself, and I’ve also gotten better at just letting other people treat me well and compliment me - I’m more receptive of it than I used to be.

What is something that you feel like you have to earn?

Rest.

What is something you feel like you are inherently worthy of?

Good things! A good life! No matter what has happened to me, I still come out a better and stronger person. I’ve grown from “Why is this happening to me?” to “Everything happens for a reason!” and it’s worked in my favor every time.

When was the last time you changed your mind?

Earlier this year, I switched career path ideas from healthcare administration to paralegal studies. I still haven’t fully committed to anything.

Is there anything you wish you could take back?

Honestly, no. I genuinely, truly, deeply believe everything happens for a reason.

What does being true to yourself mean?

Being true to myself means not filtering myself for others or watering myself down for their comfort. Sticking to my boundaries without feeling guilty or falling into the trap of people pleasing.

When do you feel in control?

When I clean and don’t change my boundaries for others.

When do you feel out of control?

With money.

Finish this sentence: It’s my life and…

It’s my life, and it’s SO beautiful! I truly love who I’ve become, and it’s all about trusting the process, learning along the way, and surrendering where you can. Everything truly does happen for a reason.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I’m getting engaged soon and I can’t wait! We grew up together, lost contact for years, and our paths crossed at just the most perfect timing.