#300. great advice, guardian angels & being blissfully yourself

Age: 24

Relationship Status: Single

Occupation: Dentist (public sector)

Income: $43,000

Astrological Sign: Libra

What is the most important part of your daily routine?

I think small things like making a nice coffee and doing skin care. I’ve noticed that subconsciously taking care of myself in small ways makes me feel more confident and ready to tackle the day.

What is your current happiness most dependent on?

I don’t love my answer for this, but I’ve recently realized that validation is a huge source. Words of affirmation that people care for me or that I’m appreciated in people's lives make me feel happy. Unfortunately, this makes me a people-pleaser with bad boundaries.

What do you wish you were less reliant on?

This need to feel like I have to be perfect all the time.

When do you question yourself?

I am quite lucky that I have a lot of self-belief in myself, so I don’t really question myself. I overthink sometimes but I know I do everything with pure intentions and am never purposefully hurtful so with that knowledge I feel confident in my choices.

What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

My parents have always encouraged me to reach beyond what I feel capable of. I also went to a lovely small primary school, and I think the teachers instilled in me so much confidence that I felt like I could do anything.

What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

When I was a teenager, I had quite a horrible experience. It’s quite private, but I was angry at myself and the people around me for not protecting myself more. However, now that I’m older and I see a teenager walking to school, I think to myself, how can someone that young handle situations like that? I was so much younger than I felt mentally at the time, and I handled it with much more grace and can accept it was not my fault to be placed in a situation like that.

What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

I think I have learned that forgiveness and forgetting should not go hand in hand. It’s important to be kind but to set clear boundaries for yourself by not forgetting. Don’t be a doormat, but still have grace. I had a couple of ex-friendships with whom I forgive them for being relentlessly horrible because I know they were struggling, but do I want to still be friends? No.

How do you ground/center yourself?

Female friendships. The women I have in my life breathe air back into me.

What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

I’m incredibly lucky to have a dad who has never let me down, not once. He makes me feel so safe and unconditionally loved. Knowing I have him to fall back onto at any given moment really helps.

Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

I think with specific friends, I feel like I can be my true self. No filter at all. Just blissfully myself.

What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

Interesting question. Probably right now, I disagree most with taking women’s rights to their body away. The way things are regressing across multiple countries is scary.

What is something you know for sure?

Sometimes bad times give us a chance to appreciate everything we have, and that’s quite beautiful despite everything.

What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

1. Kindness (number one for me)

2. Emotional and intellectual intelligence (they go hand in hand for me)

3. Attraction (why am I dating you if we don’t fancy each other?)

When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

If I’m honest, I don’t think I’ve ever felt quite comfortable in it.

Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

My best friend had a hard upbringing, but she has this way of making things that feel so heavy feel as light as feathers by this mixture of funniness, savageness, and kindness to oneself. It’s this insane ability that I’ve never experienced with anyone before. It’s like she can whisper, and the dark stormy cloud I feel whooshes away. I love her. Sadly, she passed away this year from cancer, but she will forever be whispering in my ear as my guardian angel.

What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

My sister got me a necklace to commemorate my best friend. It was incredibly thoughtful and the design and perfectly encapsulated her.

What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

I actually wish the opposite. I think I’ve said yes to things way too often.

What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

People pressuring me to do things I don’t want to do. Or if I feel burnt out, being able to give myself that rest I need.

What do you believe is your most attractive quality?

The genuine love I have for people in my life. I really mean it when I want them to be blissfully happy, safe and thriving. Nothing gives me more warmth than seeing people happy and loved.

What/who do you want to be when you grow up?

I am painfully single at the moment. I really do crave finding someone to love, marry and have kids with. I don’t know if it’s on the cards for me, as the dating apps have been horrendous, and I work full time so meeting someone in the wild seems impossible. But I know deep down I want to be a wife and mother one day.

BONUS: Tell me something good.

I think if you ever get in a rut. Imagine your closest friend asking you for advice. Would you be as cruel to her as to yourself? I think it’s great advice for over- thinkers.