Age: 24
Relationship Status: Boyfriend of 5 years
Occupation: Project Coordinator at a Nonprofit
Income: $54,000 (ish)
Astrological Sign: Gemini
What is the most important part of your daily routine?
Breakfast. I find myself looking forward to eating breakfast; I have eaten the same thing everyday for the past few years. It gives me the time to sit down in the morning and read my book or just sit in silence if it’s that kind of day.
What is your current happiness most dependent on?
Is it bad that I don’t have an answer for this? I feel like it has been a very long time since I have been truly happy. I feel happiness in moments with friends and family, work, and doing things I enjoy but overall, I have this feeling of discontentment with my life, where I live, how much money I make, etc.
What do you wish you were less reliant on?
Social media. Life is too short to spend it behind a screen, but I struggle with the aspect of needing something to do, and social media provides that instant gratification, but it honestly leaves me feeling worse than before I went on it.
When do you question yourself?
In any academic or professional setting. I have severe imposter syndrome, and since I started grad school, I feel like I will never measure up to my classmates or make over $55k at any job because I am not capable of making decisions, managing others, or succeeding in an interview.
What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?
My boyfriend. When I met him 5 years ago, I looked a lot different than I do now. Since then, my body has fluctuated in many ways, but he continues to tell me every day how beautiful, hot, and gorgeous I am. It’s always hard for my mind to stray from the “oh, he’s your boyfriend, he has to say that,” but I think about it less and less now, and I have become kinder to my body because of it. Everyone deserves to be loved for the skin They’re in, and I am grateful to experience that now. You are beautiful, and you are worthy.
What is something you have forgiven yourself for?
Highschool. I was very outspoken, but not in a good way. More in the sense that when I spoke, I disregarded anyone’s feelings and was quite harsh. I am still outspoken now, but I use it to discuss things I am passionate about, like advocacy and politics. Working in a nonprofit has helped me immensely with prioritizing empathy and understanding because you never know what someone is battling internally.
What is something you have forgiven someone else for?
Cheating. I have only been in one other serious relationship, and he kissed someone else. We were in a heavily cycled toxic relationship, and I fed off that anxiety and became quite codependent on him. I, being 18, was not perfect, and neither was he, but I forgave him then, and I forgive him now because I never would have met my current boyfriend if I had gotten stuck in the cycle. The past is the past, and any person I am meant to be with would not jeopardize our relationship like that. I deserved better, and I got better.
How do you ground/center yourself?
If I have time, I will nap because it allows my brain to shut off for a while. If not, I like listening to music and doing breathing exercises to self-soothe. Sometimes, I really have to concentrate on the notion that I am okay, I am alive, and it will pass.
What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?
Crying. To me, if I am really hurting, there is nothing better than just full-on sobbing. My soul cat died early last year, and I remember sobbing until I fell asleep. It gave me this cathartic release that made me feel a little bit lighter afterward. Having a good support system also really helped me.
Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?
College in 2018. I miss not having as many responsibilities as I do now. Being busy and stressed all the time is not it. I sometimes wish I could go back to that version of myself because although I wasn’t that confident, I was more confident than I am now.
What is something you fundamentally disagree with?
That I can be friends with someone who I disagree with politically. There is nuance to this though. If we are discussing the economy - sure, fine. If we are disagreeing on LGBTQIA+ rights, abortion rights, education, healthcare, the homelessness epidemic, genocide, then no, we can’t be friends because human rights are not negotiable.
What is something you know for sure?
I will never grow if I am comfortable.
What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?
1. Communication
2. Honesty
3. Commitment
When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?
When I get into clean sheets after I shave my legs, when my room is freezing cold, and I curl up under a blanket with a good book. There may be snacks involved, too. Relaxing, whether alone or with my boyfriend, allows me to have my guard completely down because I sometimes feel that although I am being myself, there is a part I hold back because I don’t want to be too much.
Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?
I am always in awe of my mom. Since I was 12 she raised my brother and I alone because my dad decided to leave. She was there for every prom, report card, holiday, birthday, college acceptance, and graduation. She is strong, selfless, and loving and I couldn’t have asked for someone better to model myself after.
What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?
A few years ago, my boyfriend got me the lovebox. It has a little heart on the front that spins when a message is received, and it helped elevate our communication throughout the day. I love giving gifts, but I am also a sucker for personalized gifts or cards because it warms my heart to know someone was thinking about me enough to get me something.
What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?
I wish I had said yes to an out-of-state college. Not only am I saddled with debt because of where I decided to go, but I let my fear of discomfort keep me from experiencing a different environment and making new friends. I believe everything works out the way it’s supposed to in the end, but that doesn’t keep me from wondering what if.
What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?
Drugs. I have too much anxiety surrounding not being in control of my body so drugs will always be something I decline.
What do you believe is your most attractive quality?
My ability to love.
What/who do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be someone who feels peace. I want to wake up and not feel dread about money or bills. I want to look out my window and see grass, flowers, animals, and insects. I want to be able to open my windows during a crisp fall night and hear crickets and then the birds in the morning. I want to own a ton of cats. I want to have a ginormous library with a sliding ladder. I want to help people, love people, and know people. It’s not really about who or what I want to be, I just want to be. No expectations, no pressure, just a human.
BONUS: Tell me something good.
I recently won my first award at my job for pro bono work!
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