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#225. extensive therapy, emotional regulation & being a late bloomer

Writer's picture: Devyn Penney Devyn Penney



Age: 30

Relationship Status: Married

Occupation: Student Affairs

Income: $63,600

Astrological Sign: Aries Sun and Moon, Cancer Rising


What is the most important part of your daily routine?

Anything self-care: working out, going to bed early, brushing my teeth, etc. I struggle with self-care routines and maybe some depression, so I can tell that when I am not taking care of myself physically, something is going on in my mind that I need to address.


What is your current happiness most dependent on?

Money. That’s the simplified answer, but truthfully, my husband and I have been on a BIG financial goal kick this past year, and when we are doing well with saving money, I feel so much more at ease and happy. The difference is palpable. I did not realize how the financial burdens were stealing joy from me in the past until we were almost hopeless. We still have more to go, but I am happy to report that we have mostly dug ourselves out of unnecessary credit card debt. It has taken longer than I would like, but I'm happy it is happening.


What do you wish you were less reliant on?

My phone. It is too addictive. I just wish my attention span was better.


When do you question yourself?

When I feel misunderstood on a big or even small scale when it comes to communicating, I question my reality and whether I am the “crazy” one. This is a sore subject for me. This situation comes up very often, and I feel like an alien when it happens. I am pretty sure I am autistic, but I don’t think I have the courage ever to get an official diagnosis.


What is something that has positively impacted how you perceive your self-worth?

Working out! Specifically, weightlifting and Lagree Fitness (similar to Pilates, if anyone is unfamiliar). I used to hate working out and still struggle with motivation from time to time, but working out has made me feel so good in so many ways. It makes me appreciate all that my body can do, what it looks like, and what it feels like, and it quiets my brain. I feel sexy, feminine, and strong. That is an exciting combination when you’ve never felt that before in your life until now.


What is something you have forgiven yourself for?

Not knowing what to do with my emotions growing up. I’ve had to relearn and teach myself all about emotional regulation through extensive therapy. Emotional regulation comes up so often in my life now, every day, so I am not sure how I used to cope earlier in my life. Whatever I was doing was not healthy, I’m sure. I feel so much more like the adult in my mind is finally front and center.


What is something you have forgiven someone else for?

I forgive my parents for just doing their best with the information they had when we were all growing up. But I constantly struggle with the balance now of “I can’t control them,” yet I don’t understand how they don’t know there’s a better way to live life.


How do you ground/center yourself?

I meditate and work out when I can. I take deep breaths all the time. It sounds so simple, but it is life-changing.


What is one thing that helped you through your most difficult time?

My husband is one of the really good ones. He is sunshine personified. I feel so lucky.


Have you ever felt like the best version of yourself? When?

All of 2024. It felt like my frontal cortex finally developed this year, and it has been my “get your shit together” year.


What is something you fundamentally disagree with?

Being a mean person. I think being mean intentionally or nasty to people, even in small ways, is so high school. Please grow up. It feels so much better to be kind even when you really don’t want to or even if you think they don’t deserve your kindness.


What is something you know for sure?

That dogs are perfect.


What are three of your non-negotiables in romantic relationships?

  1. Be a good teammate/partner

  2. Must be funny

  3. Have really fun, explorative, good sex


When do you feel most comfortable in your own skin?

When I’m in clean, comfy clothes, after a shower, post-workout!


Have you ever been in awe of something/someone? When?

My sister is a baking content creator! She’s really just out here living her dreams, and I could not be more proud of her. She had a goal and has really stuck it out no matter what.


What is the best (physical/material) gift you have ever received?

My engagement ring.


What is one thing you wish you had said ‘yes’ to in the past?

I just turned down a high-profile job that I was recruited for. I kind of wish I had said yes for the prestige and ego, but I know that in the long run, turning it down will be much better for this season of my life.


What is one thing you will always say ‘no’ to in the future?

People pleasing.


What do you believe is your most attractive quality?

My sense of humor. I LOVE to laugh and can almost always find something to laugh about, even on the bad days.


What/who do you want to be when you grow up?

I want to be more financially secure and just learn to live outside of survival mode. I’ve never done that before, and I am SO excited to see what thriving me looks and feels like super soon.


BONUS: Tell me something good.

I finally decided I want to have a kid! I am not sure if it will happen for us in the future, but having the feeling and desire to want to have kids is exciting for me. I always thought I did not want them and felt strange compared to other women in my life who were having them. I think I am just a late bloomer in all aspects of my life and that is okay!

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