#66. at-home lattes, cosmic loneliness & your comfiest sweatshirt

Age: 26

Relationship Status:  in a relationship

Occupation:  mechanical engineering

Income:  $90k

Astrological Sign: cancer sun, aries moon, scorpio rising

What is the first thing you do when you wake up? 

Unfortunately, check my phone. I used to be a yoga first thing in the morning kind of gal, and I want to get back to that. It’s hard!

Have you ever felt genuine fulfillment? When? 

When my loved ones think of me. Whether it’s to just send me something stupid or if they want me to be there for them in a moment of need, I feel seen and appreciated.

What is your most repetitive, negative thought? 

The fear that I’ll die young and not get to experience the rest of my life. And how I have no control over that.

What is your most repetitive, positive thought? 

I’m capable of anything. Trust in myself has gotten me far in life, and it will continue to do so.

What is one thing that surprised you about adulthood? 

That so many of my friends are in different stages of life. I thought I would be surrounded by girls who are in the same boat as me, but many of my friends have gotten married and bought houses by now, and our conversations don’t include many shared experiences. I love my friends, and it’s important to have friends who are different from you, but finding relatability in my adult years has been harder than I expected.    

What are three things you want to put every woman onto? 

1. Making your lattes at home. Splurge a lil on the espresso machine that will make you love your morning coffee. It’ll save you money in the long run and it’s fun to make. 

2. Journaling is a great way to get to know yourself. It can also be very entertaining to look back on and laugh at your past self.

3. Reformer pilates. It feels like you’re on playground equipment and not doing a grueling workout. 

Rank the following from most to least important:

money, food, sex, love, and laughter (feel free to explain or don’t).

1. Love

2. Laughter

3. Money

4. Food

5. Sex

How has your relationship with your parents/ guardians changed in adulthood? 

My dad suffered a brain injury a few years ago, and my relationship with my parents is still good but not the same as it used to be. I haven’t been able to have a conversation with either of them for years now where I feel like they are truly present. My dad doesn’t have quite the same thinking capacity as he used to, and my mom often only talks about how things are different (and worse) now. I don’t get the same fulfillment from my relationship with them that I did before, and I also feel guilty and selfish for feeling that way because they are good parents and are trying their best. 

When do you feel most like yourself? 

When I’m with a group of friends and we are just talking, and laughing, and being silly.  

What is the best compliment someone has ever given you? 

One of my closest friends told me on my 24th birthday that she really admires my confidence. She said that she has channeled me in her life to help find her own confidence and is now better for it. It meant the world to me.

How do you feel about falling in love? 

Falling in love should feel natural and easy. I was cynical about romantic love and didn’t think I was even capable of it for years because I was scared of getting hurt again, until I found someone who makes being in love so easy that getting hurt doesn’t even cross my mind. It felt like putting on my comfiest sweatshirt that I thought I lost years ago, and now I can be the truest version of myself. 

What is one thing you’re sick of hearing?

I’m sooo tired of the debates on reproductive rights. I take the pill and am terrified of getting an IUD, but I’m constantly worried that I’ll have to get one to at least secure more years of birth control before it is all stripped away. It’s exhausting. 

How often do you feel alone? 

I have felt alone for a lot of my life, but not in a ‘lonely’ sense, in more of a crushing cosmic alone-ness kind of way. I felt this despair that no one else would ever truly know me in the way that I know myself. In recent years, I have since put more effort into being vulnerable (scary) and growing closer to the people I love, and now I don’t feel alone as often. Human connection is everything, and it takes effort!

What is one thing you hope everyone experiences in their lifetime? 

Genuine self-love and being secure in who you are. Lots of good food. Friends that you can be stupid around. 

What is one thing you hope no one has to experience in their lifetime?

Medical issues. I live in fear of myself and loved ones having health problems. 

What is the best decision you’ve ever made? 

Living alone! I have lived alone since I was 22 and I am so glad that I have had these years of my life to learn to trust myself and to enjoy my own company. I am so excited to move in with a boyfriend one day, but I will always be so grateful for these years I’ve had for just me. They’ve shaped me into who I am. And decorating my apartment is so much fun.

When do you feel most at ease? 

When I’m on top of my shit and taking care of myself. And when I have plans to look forward to.  

What does having a successful life mean to you? 

Having the freedom to build a life I love. For me that means marrying someone incredible, raising really cool kids, close friendships, lots of travel, and an abundance of health. 

How often do you think about your body? 

Somehow, both often and not often at all. I like my body and am grateful for it, but I am on a style journey that has made dressing myself in the morning frustrating and difficult. I can’t seem to find clothes that represent my style and personality and make me feel cute. I’m always stressed about what to wear. 

When do you ask for help? 

Most often, with physical tasks, like a ride back from dropping my car off at the shop or carrying something heavy up to my apartment. My boyfriend is wonderful at performing acts of service for me, but sometimes I get in my head about not doing enough in return. 

What is something you feel strongly about?

Having a great work-life balance. Working in corporate America is not my passion (is it anyone’s?), but it provides me with financial freedom that allows me to pursue my passions, and to travel, and build a life that I love. Working is unavoidable, so I work to live; I don’t live to work.

BONUS: Tell me something good. 

I’m traveling abroad for the first time ever in September! I’m so excited!